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HEY! TEAM GUANGZHOU! WELL PLAYED BUDS! GREAT GAMES! STRONG WORK!

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The long blades of grass rose up high around Seo’s Tristana, hiding her from view. She raised her cannon, aimed it at Kalista’s back and squeezed the trigger. The cannonball shot from the muzzle and slammed into Lin Feng’s Kalista! It was a critical hit! She took a step forward and fired again! Another cannonball slammed into Lin Feng’s Kalista!

“KALISTA IS DEAD! SEO’S GONNA KILL HER!” Zephyr screamed into his microphone. “TWO MORE HITS! OR A CRIT!”

Su Xue’s eyes were wide open in horror. NoNoNo! Her jaw trembled as she stuttered into her microphone, “Y-y-you got this, Lin Feng!”

Lin Feng breathed out calmly. He’d kept an eye on Seo’s Tristana the entire fight. He saw it when she killed Jarvan IV and also when she killed Zhang Hao’s Rumble. He knew, though the fog of war hid it from view, that she was most likely going to try and get to him through the tri-brush. More than anything, he believed in his skills and in his teammates. He had his Kalista hurl a spear at Tristana and then used her passive to lunge towards the tri-brush. During that brief mid-dash moment, he pinged on Tristana to alert Tang Bingyao.

Tang Bingyao felt her entire body go stiff when she heard the ping and saw Seo’s Tristana. She’d been so focused on killing the Thresh that she hadn’t thought to look behind her. But then instinct took over. She flicked her mouse towards Seo’s Tristana, who’d walked out from the tri-brush, and cast Winter’s Bite. Her Braum propelled ice from his shield! It struck Tristana, slowing her and applying the first stack of Concussive Blows.

Seo snarled at his monitor, furiously clicking his keys. His Tristana fired another cannonball at Lin Feng’s Kalista. CritCritCrit! COME ON, WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING CRIT!? He wanted to throw his mouse through the glass panels of the soundproof booth, but kept himself from doing that. A crit would’ve killed Kalista. Now he needed to hit her one more time. KILL THE STUPID BEGGAR! He clicked on Kalista. His Tristana raised her cannon again.

Lin Feng licked his lips as he had his Kalista fire another auto attack. Her passive skill–Martial Pose–added a lunge to each auto attack. He used that to disappear into the tri-brush. It killed the line of sight with Seo’s Tristana and it canceled Tristana’s auto attack. He then threw an empowered spear with Pierce to apply the third stack of Concussive Blows, and followed up with another auto attack! It applied the fourth stack of Concussive Blows and stunned Seo’s Tristana!

“Oh my god… Oh my god!” Su Xue said. She began laughing her worries and nerves away and continued, “He did it! He got her! He really got her!”

Zephyr looked at Su Xue and smiled. Damn, she’s got some great energy! He then looked at the audience and listened to them. They were up on their feet, screaming out their joy. They need some direction. Let me give it to them! A la Su Xue! He laughed and shouted into his microphone, “WHO DO WE WANT?”

“WIN FENG!”

“WIN FENG!”

“WIN FENG!”

“WIN FENG!”

“WIN FENG!”

“WIN FENG!”

“WIN FENG!”

Zephyr felt the chills run up and down his spine when the audio from the stadium exploded into his headset. He grinned and added, “WHEN DO WE WANT HIM?”

“NOW!”

“NOW!”

“NOW!”

“NOW!”

“NOW!”

“NOW!”

Lin Feng’s Kalista was revealed to Seo’s Tristana when he attacked her from the brush. The moment the stun wore off, Tristana could kill her. But Lin Feng wasn’t planning to let that happen. He counted down the time he had until the stun wore off and then the time it would take to load a cannonball and fire. Right before Seo’s Tristana could kill him, he activated Rend. His Kalista pulled on the telekinetic links with the spears lodged inside Tristana and pulled them free.

Quadra Kill!

After getting the double kill and finding Kalista’s back open, Seo had started to picture himself as the starplayer of this match. He was going to get the penta kill, he was going to secure this win, and he was going to win Team Guangzhou this series! His teammates would laud him. Every single woman inside this stadium would fawn over him. Most importantly, Tang Bingyao and An Xin would drop to their knees before him. And he would turn them down! He would show them exactly how little they meant to him! But all of that ground to a halt when he saw his screen turn grey. His dreams came crashing down around him and were replaced with hundreds of identical faces. They laughed at him and told him that no one was going to remember his face. LIN FEEEEEEENG! I’M GOING TO FUCKING MURDER YOU!

Across the stage in Team Shanghai’s soundproof booth, Lin Feng shouted over the team’s voice chat, “Gimme the penta! I want the penta! Give it to me!”

An Xin glanced at him, smiled and said, “Of course we’ll help you. That’s only good manners.” She already had her Morgana chasing after Team Guangzhou’s Thresh and when she found the angle, she cast a Dark Binding. The dark crimson orb flew through the air and struck Thresh, rooting him to the ground.

Tang Bingyao nodded and said, “Mhm! I’ll help!” She then had her Braum dash in front of Lin Feng’s Kalista with Stand Behind Me, functionally disabling all of Thresh’s crowd control skills that could impede Lin Feng’s Kalista.

Lin Feng grinned brightly as he had his Kalista hurl spears and lunge after Thresh. The chase went past the Gromp Camp, the Blue Buff Camp and down the Jungle path leading to Team Guangzhou’s base. But before Team Guangzhou’s Thresh could get to the safety his base provided, a final spear pierced his back and claimed his life.

Pentakill!

“He did it! He did it! He did it!” Su Xue rambled into her microphone. But no one paid much attention to her; they were too busy cheering. Up on their feet, even those at home, they were jumping and dancing and screaming until their lungs gave out! Lin Feng hadn’t just given them a pentakill, he hadn’t just given them a good series, he’d given them a great series and two pentakills!

6666666

WIIIIIN FEEEENNNGGGGGGG!!!!!

LIL BRO HARD CARRY! WHERE HIS WATER? GO RUN MAID XUE!

I feel a tear in my eye. What beauty this man produces! He’s everything and more! Talking about more… Want to see more of him? Want to see the legend play in the comfort of his own home? Want to know what he’s up to in solo queue? Tune in to EveningSnowfall and watch him make an appearance! He’ll force her to buy him food and get him water! She’s the maid and he’s her boss! *wink wink*

PEEENNNTTTTAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!1

HOLY SHIT THEY REKT GUANGZHOU!!!!!

GET FUCKED GOALIE AND SEO! GET ABSOLUTELY FUCKED IN THE ASS!

how is he that good….??????? How the fuck did he survive that? Tristana shoulda had him…..

COZ HES LIL BRO! HE CAN DO WHAT NO ONE ELSE CAN DO! HES SUPER LIL BRO!!!!!

Shit dude… I got a little hard for that penta…

“He’s done it again,” Shi Hang said, laughing. He shook his head and added, “Just like the old days. He goes off and does something ridiculous and somehow makes it work. Gets a damn penta as ad-carry… Crazy kid!”

“No kidding…” Team Rapids’ Jungle muttered. He watched the livestream, incredulous, and asked, “That Kalista is the one who beat you, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Shi Hang replied. “Don’t think I’ve ever won against him.”

Team Rapids’ Jungler looked at Shi Hang, waiting for an explanation that wasn’t coming. He finally asked, “How much do you know about him? Do you know where he came from? Who he is? He can’t be new to the scene, right? He’s too good… Any LPL team would be happy to pick him up!”

Shi Hang grinned and said, “Secrets are meant to be kept. Sorry bud.” He then zipped his mouth close and swallowed the key.

Chu Fang from Team Shanghai cheered with everyone else, proud of his team. He then looked at Coach Yin from Team Guangzhou and laughed. Look at you! You look like a sack of shit! Always with that big mouth bragging about your latest victories. What are you going to brag about now? How you got these useless shits from Korea because you couldn’t be bothered to put in the effort to find and nurture Chinese talents which, by the way, is in your job description? Serves you right! I hope they get rid of you. He looked away from Coach Yin and back at the large LCD screen, smiling.

After Team Shanghai won the teamfight, they went straight to the mid lane where super minions were attacking the two Nexus towers. Lin Feng’s Kalista, Tang Bingyao’s Braum and An Xin’s Morgana helped the super minions in taking down the two towers before Team Guangzhou could respawn. When they moved on to the Nexus, Twisted Fate spawned on the fountain. He charged at them and tried to stop them, which he succeeded at. The three from Team Shanghai turned their attention to him and killed him. Then they focused back on the Nexus and destroyed it before anyone else could respawn. The blue energy broke free from the nexus and morphed into the victory screen.

VICTORY!

Su Xue lost any semblance of impartiality that she still had. She tightly clutched the microphone and screamed, “WE WOOOOOON! WE WOOOOOOOOON! TEAM SHANGHAI CLEAN SWEEPS TEAM GUANGZHOU AND ADVANCES TO THE QUARTERFINALS!” She turned to look at Zephyr, lost in joy, and added, “LIN FENG DID IT! HE WON!”

Zeng Rui relaxed in his gaming chair and breathed out the tension from his shoulders. He smiled and said, “Good job! Good job! Yes!”

“That was great!” Lin Feng cheered, laughing. He turned his head to look at Zeng Rui and added, “See? I told you so! I’m a great ad-carry!”

An Xin rolled her eyes and said, “Idiot. It was a team effort.” She then smiled and added, “Great work, everyone!”

“I don’t know, BunBun…” Zhang Hao replied. He was grinning from ear to ear as he added, “Lin Feng did get two pentas. Two pentas! When have you ever gotten two pentas like that? Shit, I really wanna see those guys from Team Guangzhou tilt! Can you imagine what they must look like right now?”

Tang Bingyao looked across the stage into Team Guangzhou’s soundproof booth, where mice and keyboards were flying around and people were just short from fighting each other. She smiled and said, “Mhm! Look!”

The five players from Team Shanghai huddled around the far end of the soundproof booth which was the closest to Team Guangzhou’s soundproof booth across the stage. They stood there, watching Team Guangzhou lose it. And when it finally looked like things were cooling down a bit, Coach Yin walked in and everything started from scratch again.

Zhang Hao laughed and said, “Guess we’re not shaking hands?”

“Come,” Zeng Rui finally said. “Let’s go and see Chu Fang.” He then opened the door to the soundproof booth and held it open for the others. Together, as a team, they walked to the front of the stage and bowed to the tens of thousands of fans at the stadium and the hundreds of thousands of fans watching from home. They then walked down the stage and into the player seating area, where they received congratulatory words from several teams before finding their own seats.

Chu Fang smiled brightly and said, “Good work out there! I’m really proud of you all!” He then nodded at Team Guangzhou’s soundproof booth, from which the players and Coach Yin emerged, and continued, “You guys should’ve seen Coach Yin’s reaction when Lin Feng got that second penta. It was the best thing ever! I think I saw the exact moment a part of him died!”

Zhang Hao laughed and replied, “He did look pretty mad! Oh, look! Look! They’re coming down! They’re coming down! Hey! HEY! TEAM GUANGZHOU! WELL PLAYED BUDS! GREAT GAMES! STRONG WORK!”

Coach Yin glanced at Zhang Hao and then mumbled something over his shoulders. The players from Team Guangzhou all turned their heads away from Team Shanghai and hurried after Coach Yin in the direction of the stadium’s exit.

“Hey! What’s this? Are they really going to act like they didn’t hear me?” Zhang Hao asked, stunned. He then snorted and shouted, “What’s wrong? Did you leave your big dicks on the nightstand this morning? I thought you guys had some balls! Guess you were wimps after all…” He shook his head and loudly said to his teammates, “I thought they were supposed to be good… What a letdown.”

It was the last bit that made Coach Yin pause. He turned his head to glare at Zhang Hao and said, “You little pie–” He took a deep, long breath, trying to contain his humiliation-turned-fury, and continued, “Don’t push me. You won’t like what happens.”

Zeng Rui smiled and asked, “Kind of how you don’t like what happened after Seo pushed Tang Tang, right?”

“Call it karma,” An Xin chimed in.

Coach Yin wanted to scream! He wanted to yell at them that he’d make sure they would never get the support from the Chinese Esports Association again! He almost did, but then Lin Feng opened his mouth and said, “Korea really has a ton of amazing players. You’re not wrong there.”

“Uh?” Coach Yin blurted out. His anger relaxed a little, part of it replaced with confusion. He wanted to ask what Lin Feng meant, when Lin Feng continued to explain himself, “But that doesn’t mean you can just take some random players from Korea and expect to win. The Chinese competitive scene hasn’t fallen that low. How about the next time you go to Korea to find players, you scout out some actually talented players, rather than opening the Challenger ladder and throwing darts?”

Coach Yin looked at Lin Feng, but rather than argue he turned around and shouted at the interpreter, “DON’T TRANSLATE THAT!” He then grabbed Seo and Goalie by their arms and pulled them away, adding, “Come, we’re going. Now! Come! GoGoGO!”

Chu Fang bit hard on his teeth to force back the laughter. He then turned to Lin Feng and the others and said, “Come. We should go too. Nothing good’s gonna come when Seo and Goalie hear what Lin Feng just said.”

Su Xue ran out of the Tianhe Stadium and straight at Lin Feng who was waiting for her with the others. She laughed and hugged him and said, “You were great! That was such an amazing series! Those two pentas! I thought for sure you were dead at the end there with the Tristana but then you cut vision by going into that brush and just… just… Aaaaaaaaaah! You were great!”

Lin Feng grinned and replied, “Yeah, I know right! I am great!” He ignored the glares and stares from his teammates and continued, “But I’m also really hungry. And we can’t possibly not celebrate this win! So look…” he pulled out his phone and opened the restaurant ranking list he’d compiled with Tian Tian. “… I say we go to this one. It’s Korean Barbecue! Get it? Korean Barbecue! Because we just roasted two Koreans! You know, Goa–”

“Yeah yeah, we know,” An Xin interrupted. She shook her head, smiling, and said, “Alright, let’s go. Lead the way.”

Lin Feng walked out in front of the rest and showed them where to go. After he’d orientated himself, he looked over his shoulder at Su Xue and asked, “How was the casting anyway?”

Su Xue smiled and replied, “It was great! I had so much fun and I wasn’t nervous at all! I even tried to be impartial, though that didn’t really work out… Team Guangzhou is just such a toxic team! It’s really hard to cheer for them. But I tried!”

An Xin winked at Su Xue and said, “With the way you interact with your viewers and how you cast when Lin Feng is playing a game I never doubted your casting ability for a second! You didn’t have any reason to be nervous! You’re really good at this kind of stuff!”

“What BunBun says! I said that too! Before, remember? I told you it’d be easy for you!” Lin Feng exclaimed. He then paused, nearly causing Zeng Rui to walk up against him, and asked, “Hey, XueXue? Did you remember to brag about me like I asked you to?”

“What was there to brag about? You got two pentas!” Su Xue countered. She laughed and added, “I tried to be impartial… But I think that at some point I might’ve gotten carried away a bit and become slightly partial towards you guys. Though… It wasn’t too much either I don’t think. Zephyr said I did great too!”

Tang Bingyao nodded and said, “Mhm! That’s because you’re good at this. Like BunBun said.”

Su Xue was beaming with joy, glowing even. She suddenly raised her finger and said, “That reminds me. Remember how I said I’m casting two games? The second one is right after lunch! I think… Maybe it was the second one? I need to check the schedule again… But yeah! I’m casting another game today!”

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You Dirty Rat!

Sietse Thought: There was this video on Reddit yesterday about I think it was the NYC subway? You saw this big fucking rat laying on the ground half under a door and then suddenly SWOOOOOSH it was gone. I initially figured some dude working there had caught it and was going to toss it into a furnace next, or something like that. I don’t know, never really thought about what they do with caught rats… Maybe eat them? All those thoughts got cut short when you see this second face popping out from under the door-thing. This head was still the head of a rat, just that it was somehow bigger than the big fucking massive rat I just saw getting swooshed away.

I don’t like rats. Rats terrify me. A friend of mine had rat pets when he was younger and I would not get near them. A girl I was into liked mice and I straight up lost interest in her. Rats and mice are those weird creatures I just can’t deal with. So it comes without saying that that one stupid video that was maybe 13 seconds long haunted me for the rest of the day and into the night.

This morning I woke up from a nightmare. Terrible, terrible nightmare. It was about big rats. But obviously because it was a dream, these weren’t just big for rats, they were cultivation novel big. They were so big that I looked small next to them. And they were jumping out of my house when I was outside! Somehow I, together with my brother, gathered the courage to go inside and find the room these damned creatures were coming from. We found that room relatively easy and stood before the closed door. Behind it we could hear the sound of the rats. Maybe there was a queen rat? I don’t know. Anyway, my brother looks at me and tells me to go in and get rid of them and I just stare at him, terrified. That moment felt like it lasted for hours, all the way until I woke up.

I did not sleep well. Rats are hellspawn. Mice are too. BURN THEM ALL!

P.S. It looks like we have to miss Devshard today. He is in the car with his sister, driving through the rain and singing Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball!

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