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“Ladies and Gentlemen! It is time for Game 5 of the Quarterfinals match between Team Shanghai and Zhejiang University at the East China Regionals!”

Game 5 of East China Regional Quarterfinals
Team Shanghai (Blue) vs. Zhejiang University (Red)

Top: Irelia vs. Jarvan IV
Jungle: Lee Sin vs. Elise
Mid: Zed vs. LeBlanc
Ad-Carry: Draven vs. Tristana
Support: Blitzcrank vs. Braum

Rollfire looked at the large LCD screen and said, “That’s quite a bit of attack damage on Team Shanghai. Scratch that. That’s all attack damage! There is no Champion on their team with ability power! That is really risky in a Game 5!”

“You’re right,” Silent Reed chimed in. She scrunched her eyebrows and mumbled, “I wonder why…”

“Pretty straightforward if you ask me,” Rollfire replied. He turned his head to look at Silent Reed and lectured, “Full attack damage teams are strong in the early game. They rely on outright beating the opponent! But it also means that when Zhejiang starts buying defensive items, all they need is armour. Lots and lots of armour! They can completely ignore all magic resist items! That’s a massive advantage!”

Silent Reed nodded and said, “If it gets to the late game, yeah.” She then tilted her head, listening to the mumbles and murmurs from the audience. Are they talking about the mid lane? She glanced at the large LCD screen. At the Zed and LeBlanc summoner portraits. Guess it makes sense. Shi Hang is the former pro. Right! He’s a former pro! She grabbed her microphone and continued, “What about the mid lane though? Zed versus LeBlanc! A clash between titans! The best high schooler versus the former pro! They’ve been going toe-to-toe in all four games! Do you think Game 5 will be even better!?”

“It might,” Rollfire replied calmly. He looked at the two soundproof booths. The thick glass windows gave him a good view of the players. They all look so calm… I get that Shi Hang looks calm, but… He narrowed his eyes. How is that kid so calm? This feels wrong. It’s like this every time! He looks calm, I say something about him going to lose, and he fucking wins! Every. Single. Time! But not this time! He said through gritted teeth, “Zed is a strong pick against LeBlanc. Both are high skill Champions! Shi Hang is the former pro and certainly has the skill to pull this off! But…” He took a deep breath before continuing, “But that kid has been playing fantastic! We can’t write him down.”

“Damn right!” Ouyang exclaimed from his seat in the stands. He waved at the university students around him and continued, “Screw all these guys and their negativity about my bro Lin Feng! What do they know? Yeah yeah, Shi Hang the pro. But we’ve got WIN FENG!”

Yang Fang adjusted his glasses and analysed, “They’re right, though. I don’t want to say it, but it’s true! Lin Feng is really, really good! But he’s not a professional player! What experience does he have in a fifth game!? None! But Shi Hang has played these kinds of series at the highest competitive level in China! Just that alone… I don’t see how—”

“Oh, bitch off with your negative vibes!” Ouyang exclaimed. He pointed at the large LCD screen and shouted, “That’s our bro up there playing a former pro! If we lose faith in him, what does he have left? We can’t lose faith in him! We’re gonna cheer him to a win!”

Liu Yue got up to his feet and looked around the stands. Most people were talking with each other in quiet voices about how Shi Hang was going to beat Lin Feng. Broyang is right! Lin Feng needs us now more than ever! He wrapped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “WOOT WOOT! WIN FENG, KICK SOME ASS!”

“He’s right!” Ren Rou said through gritted teeth. She looked at Ouyang and then at the others around her. She continued, “Everyone is saying Shi Hang will win because he’s the former pro! But what do they know? Screw them! Lin Feng is the best player I know!”

Ren Rou got up to her feet and dragged Yang Fang up with her. She said, “He needs us now more than ever! We’re cheering him on!” She then nodded at Liu Yue and shouted, “WIN FENG, KICK SOME ASS!”

Yang Fang adjusted his glasses and was about to argue when he felt someone wrap their arm around his shoulders. He turned his head and looked straight at Ouyang grinning. He mumbled, “Uh…? Ouyang?”

Ouyang nodded at Yang Fang and shouted at the top of his lungs, “WIN FEEEEEENG!”

Zeng Rui turned his head to look at Lin Feng and asked over the team’s voice chat, “What can we do to help you out in mid?”

“Hm?” Lin Feng mumbled. He then grinned and replied, “Don’t worry about mid! I’ll be fine! I’ll just kick some ass!”

Zeng Rui’s eyelid started twitching again and he clenched his fists. Thundering dumbass! Don’t worry? DON’T WORRY? Of course I’m going to fucking worry! This is the fifth game! If we win this, we’re moving on to nationals! What do you mean, don’t worry? Screw you! I’m going to worry! I want to win this, dammit! He breathed in deeply, letting the air flow into his lungs and some clarity into his mind. It’s ridiculous! You’re playing against one of the best Chinese Midlaners ever! Where do you get this confidence from? Fuck! How did you even beat him in the first four games…? He exhaled loudly through his mouth and looked at his monitor. That’s right. He’s been winning the mid lane for four games in a row now. He is winning! Does that mean… Can I trust him? He bit on his lips and scrunched his eyebrows. He’s an asshole, a thundering dumbass and so many more things! But he’s not a liar. Not so far I know, anyway. And he has been holding his own in mid.

An Xin glanced at Lin Feng and smiled. She said, “You sure are confident! This sounds like you don’t need my help! Alright, that settles it! I won’t gank mid this game!”

Zeng Rui looked past Lin Feng at An Xin and shook his head. How can she still make jokes at a time like this? She’s the one… What does she know? Why won’t they tell me? I need to know what is going on! This is ridiculous! How is he winning against a former pro? How is he this confiden

“That’s okay!” Lin Feng replied, patting his chest. He winked at An Xin and added, “Watch me, I’ll beat him all by myself!” He then turned his attention back to his monitor and calmed his breathing down. At the start of this series, I wasn’t sure. But now I am! I can feel it! I’m slowly getting back to my old skill level. I’m past A+ and into the percentage rankings! Only a little more. I’m going to get there! And Shi Hang… He focused on LeBlanc’s summoner portrait and narrowed his eyes. You’re going down!

Welcome to Summoner’s Rift!

Zhejiang University decided to start Game 5 with a lane swap. Sun Ruinian’s Tristana and Braum made their way to the top lane, while their Jarvan IV made his way to the bot lane. Zeng Rui spotted this early when Jarvan IV walked over a ward. He narrowed his eyes and said over the team’s voice chat, “BunBun, they’re lane swapping. Come bot after Red. We’re gonna kill that Jarvan IV!”

An Xin smiled and replied, “I’ll be right there!”

“Oh my god!” Silent Reed exclaimed. She stood up from behind the caster desk and said, “LOOK! They’ve gone with a lane swap! Zhejiang University initiated the lane swap! Why are they doing that? Isn’t Sun Ruinian the better ad-carry? Is he worried that he can’t beat this Draven with his Tristana?”

“That’s not it,” Rollfire replied. He snorted and explained, “Draven is pretty damn strong in the early game, while Tristana is a late game hyper carry. Zhejiang is just looking to help Sun Ruinian get a better start to the game! Nothing weird about this lane swap!”

Back in the game, Tang Bingyao had her Draven run to the bot lane. She waited for the first minion wave to arrive and then followed behind it into lane. Spinning Axes! Her Draven started spinning the axe in his right hand. ‘Round and ‘round it went. BunBun is coming for a gank. Jarvan IV is probably going to be defensive. Best play here is to do the normal push. Mhm! Freeze the first two minion waves and then push hard on the third! She smiled and targeted the first minion that was about to die. Draven threw his Spinning Axe! It cleaved into the minion, claiming its life, and then ricocheted! Tang Bingyao had her Draven take one step to the side to catch the axe! Mhm! This is it!

Tang Bingyao settled into a steady rhythm with her Draven. She’d played this particular towerdive scenario many times before. She knew exactly how much health each minion could die. It all felt right to her. She smiled, comfortable. Worries and other distracting thoughts disappeared. Right now, she was one with Draven. She was spinning the axes in her hands and she was slaying the minions!

Every little aspect of a Champion that normally held Tang Bingyao back as a player disappeared when she played Draven. This Champion was her to the core. Everything about playing him just felt right to her. Mhm! This is it! I’m feeling it! She glanced at the minimap. BunBun is taking the Red Buff. Just a bit more… She’s timing it well! I’ll have the wave ready when she gets here and Jarvan IV should be in the lane by then as well!

Lin Feng was in a state of absolute focus. He knew there was no hiding in the Zed versus LeBlanc match-up. It was one of pure skill. People online liked to argue that one was better than the other, but their arguments only held up in lower elo matches. At the top of the competitive scene, Zed and LeBlanc were equally strong Champions that were equally hard to master. I’m gonna be better than Hermes’ Zed and Shi Hang is gonna be worse than Rake’s LeBlanc! This game is gonna be fun!

Shi Hang’s LeBlanc moved forward to last hit a minion. She waved her staff and fired the auto attack. Animation cancel! LeBlanc transitioned into the start of the animation for Sigil of Malice! The skill slammed into Lin Feng’s Zed, dealing magic damage and placing a sigil on him! But right then a Razor Shuriken flew at her and cut sharply into her health bar!

“Dammit! Still too slow…” Shi Hang mumbled. Maple is too good for a trick like this. He grinned. That was to be expected though.

LeBlanc was Lin Feng’s signature Champion. He knew her better than almost everyone else combined! One key bit of information was the range on LeBlanc’s Sigil of Malice. It was relatively short. So when she wanted to use it in the early game, she had to walk forward. Lin Feng had used this knowledge to spot Shi Hang’s intention to cast it! He also knew that Zed’s Razor Shuriken was just as powerful at Level 1. So he’d made the decision to trade blow for blow.

Lin Feng narrowed his eyes. This is all nothing new for you, Shi Hang! You know all of this! Just a bit of poke here and a bit of poke there. We keep poking and then when we hit Level 2, that is when it really starts! A few more minions and we’re there. I’ll jump on you! Watch me!

“Zed’s going in at Level 2,” Qiu Yijie said. He looked at his teammates from Fudan University and continued, “He’s got the stronger Level 2 and this kid from Team Shanghai doesn’t look scared one bit.”

Fudan’s Jungler nodded and said, “Yeah, most likely. Zed’s Level 2 combo deals more damage than LeBlanc’s. But he needs to get the jump on Shi Hang to pull that off!”

“You think that kid can’t get the jump on Shi Hang?” Qiu Yijie asked. He glanced at his Jungler and shook his head before continuing, “Have you been watching this series? That kid has been getting the jump on Shi Hang four games in a row now! Just watch. At Level 2 he’s going to dash forward with Living Shadow and then throw a double Razor Shuriken! LeBlanc will have to Distort away and he wins the trade.”

“Then what?” Fudan’s Support asked.

“Then Shi Hang’s LeBlanc is forced to take an early deficit,” Qiu Yijie replied. He shook his head and added, “But that’s just Level 2. When they hit Level 3, the entire dynamic of the matchup changes agai–”

“YoYo!” Fudan’s Jungler interrupted. He pointed at the large LCD screen and shouted, “Look!”

Qiu Yijie followed his Jungler’s arm to the minimap. He narrowed his eyes and said, “Looks like Zhejiang University is expecting the Level 2 engage from Zed.”

Lin Feng’s Zed was one minion away from hitting Level 2. Shi Hang’s gotta back away now, or I’ll kill him! He’s… He narrowed his eyes. Shi Hang is greedy for hitting Level 2 as well! That minion is it for him! I’ll punish him right away! He paused for a brief moment, giving Shi Hang the time to run towards the minion and last hit it. He then grinned and clicked on the minion in front of him. His Zed slashed out and a radiance blossomed out around him! Level 2!

Lin Feng learned the W skill Living Shadow and cast it! Zed projected a Living Shadow of himself a short distance in front of him! He followed up with Razor Shuriken! Both the shadow and Zed himself threw shurikens that sliced through LeBlanc! Zed then swapped places with his Living Shadow and auto attacked LeBlanc with his sharp blade!

LeBlanc’s health dropped all the way down to below half! Lin Feng’s finger hovered over the D key. Now you’re going to DistorWhy isn’t he…? He glanced at the minimap and noticed that Braum was missing in the top lane. His eyes went wide. SHIT! A TRAP! Right then, LeBlanc attacked his Zed with a Sigil of Malice!

Lin Feng flicked his mouse and pressed the D key! A mottled radiance wrapped around Zed and carried him a short distance away from Shi Hang’s LeBlanc! Behind him, LeBlanc’s Ethereal Chains chased after him. But the Flash bought him enough distance. Shit, that was lucky! If he’d learned Distortion… If I… Focus! You’re not out yet!

Zhejiang’s Braum came running out of the brush above the mid lane, with Elise right behind him. He dashed at a minion with Stand Behind Me, and followed up with Winter’s Bite! He propelled freezing ice from his shield at Lin Feng’s Zed!

Lin Feng pressed down on the S key! His Zed stopped all movements! The freezing ice from Winter’s Bite shot past right in front of him! But this slight pause gave Elise the time she needed to catch up! She got in range when Zed started running again and cast Cocoon! A web of silk shot from her fingers at Zed!

Lin Feng pressed on the S key again! His Zed stopped all movements! The Cocoon flew past right in front of him! Pff! He clicked next to his outer tower! Zed started running again. Will they give up? He glanced behind him. And sighed. Shi Hang is focusing on the minions again. Gank is over. He shook his head and breathed out loudly through his mouth. That was so close.

“How the hell did he get away there…?”
“They both fell for the same trick… Shit that was clean!”
“So brutal! I bet Zhejiang is sooooo pissed right now! Hahaha!”

Ouyang stared at the large LCD screen, dazed. He mumbled, “H-he got away? He got a-away…?”

Liu Yue turned his head to look at Ouyang, dazed. Then his eyes went wide. He grabbed Ouyang by the shoulders and shouted, “He got away! Lin Feng got out! What a play!”

Ouyang looked at Liu Yue and his mouth fell open. Lin Feng did get away! He did! Oh my god! He wrapped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “Dirty fucking strat, Win Feng!”

Shanks is into Older Women?


A double chapter is a good start to a good game! Much more excitement still to come!

Translator Thought:

Shanks Thought: I’m having an existential sexual crisis like never before, and it’s all Sietse’s fault! Yesterday, I was talking to him about a weird dream I had the night before, where I basically ended up fucking my teacher from middle school, Ms. Berk. I thought it was weird because I’ve never had a dream like that before, but then Sietse told me I have a MILF fetish, and it’s been on my mind ever since. 

Because if that’s the case, it explains all the interactions I’ve had with all the older women I’ve met in my life. Is that why I get so flirty with them! Is that why they get so flirty with me back!? DO I HAVE A MILF FETISH!? I don’t know! I don’t think I’m attracted to MILFS! 

This requires more research…. 

Sietse Thought: I have a great idea! There are dating apps designed specifically for older women to meet younger men! Why don’t you sign up for one of those apps and find out if it’s something you enjoy? And you know, as a little extra, how about you stream it for our enjoyment?

Shanks Continued: I think that’s a great idea. Maybe this is the jumping off point I need to gain enough confidence to then start dating women my own age! First I go with the older women, then I work my way down! Brilliant Sietse! I knew I could trust the thundercock for dating advice. But uhhh, why would I stream it for you guys? That’s a little personal… isn’t it? Also, pretty sure no readers would want to see something like that. 

Sietse Continued: A quick Google search has helped me find Gaper! It’s an app exactly for people like Shanks who are looking to date older women! There is also the Cougar Dating App! Maybe Shanks can open accounts on both of them, side by side, and see where his luck lies!

I never did ask yesterday, but how old was Ms. Berk at the time of you (and I quote) ‘Giving her the wildest orgasm of her life’? That’ll help us zoom in on the right age range for you.

P.S. 100% sure everyone reading this wants to see you flirt with older women on a dating app.

Shanks: Mid 30s? I’m not sure. That’s not really a thing you can ask women in North America. Most would consider it a rude question. Y’know? She did have a son though, but not hers and from a ‘partner’? I don’t know. Thinking back, she did strangely share a lot with us. One time, she even brought in her new puppy to class. Wait, why is this relevant again?

Sietse Continued: Seems like this is a question for our readers! What should be the initial age range Shanks hunts after? Let us know! Maybe we can bully him into actually streaming it then!

Spoiler: And watch him get 0 matches.

Shanks: Fuck you! You’re supposed to have faith in me!

Sietse Replies: I’ve got faith in you (getting 0 matches)!


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