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Stealing Panties and Driving Through Red

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Stealing panties and driving through red, they’re just two of many actions that are heavily frowned upon in society. There are laws specifically written to stop people from committing these heinous acts! But the long arm of the law isn’t all-encompassing. This becomes especially evident in a game of League of Legends. There aren’t many rules in this game, or moral routes people are expected to follow. But there are a few. And right at the top, as the single most important law in all of League of Legends, it says: ‘Thou shalt not steal a pentakill from thine fellow players.’

Tang Bingyao had committed the eternal sin! She had stolen the pentakill that was rightfully An Xin’s! She fell back in her chair and stared at her monitor, lost. W-what… Why did I…? The game announcer’s voice still echoed in her head. Aced… Aced… It should’ve been BunBun’s pentakill! She chewed on the inside of her cheeks and glanced at An Xin. Is she mad? She is. She has to be! I’d be mad! Mhm! That was a penta! Her penta! And I stole it! I… I… She blinked away a tear and breathed in deeply. I stole it! Shit! She felt a knot twisting in her stomach and pulling tight. I have to… She turned her head to look at An Xin and said, “Ah… Uhm… BunBu—”

“NICE WORK, TANG TANG!” Lin Feng exclaimed, laughing. He patted Tang Bingyao on the shoulder and continued, “That was great! You stole BunBun’s penta! I couldn’t have done that any better myself! I was trying, but you actually did it! That was such a beautiful killsteal!” He briefly paused and scratched his nose. Then he opened his eyes wide and added, “I taught you how to killsteal! So this indirectly is also my killsteal! This is even better!”

An Xin shook her head and chuckled. She then slapped Lin Feng on the back of his head and said, “Don’t listen to this idiot, Tang Tang. Securing the kill was a good thing. Yasuo might’ve escaped if you didn’t get that last hit in there.” She smiled and added, “It’s no big deal. It’s just a penta.”

Tang Bingyao’s eyes went wide and her mouth fell open a little. She’s not mad at me? Why isn’t she mad at me? I stole her penta! I… She muttered, “But I stole…”

“My penta? Yeah, maybe,” An Xin replied. She then shook her head and continued, “But really, you did the right thing there. Pentakills are meaningless. They don’t help you win the game. Kills do. Yasuo might’ve gotten away if you didn’t kill him there. Or maybe he got a kill and then died. But thanks to you he died before he could try anything else. This is the best outcome.”

Lin Feng watched the exchange between the two girls and scrunched his eyebrows. He scratched his ear and said, “Hey! What the… If I’d stolen your penta, you would’ve lost your shit! Why are you suddenly all nice? This is completely unfair!”

An Xin tilted her head a bit to look at Lin Feng and raised an eyebrow. The corners of her lips rose, yet there was no sparkle of joy in her eyes. She said, “HMM? Did you say something? Say it again! I dare you!”

“Yes, I dare!” Lin Feng argued back. He threw his hands up in the air and complained, “Whenever I steal a penta from you, you lose your shit! You get all mad at me! But when Tang Tang does it you’re all nice? This is completely unfair! You’re discriminating against me! Is it because I’m a guy? You’re being racist because I’m a guy! That’s it!”

An Xin shook her head, incredulous. She then chuckled and replied, “No. I’m treating you differently because you’re a massive idiot. Such an idiot that I can’t begin to explain the depths of your stupidity or the width of your idiocy!” She briefly paused before asking, “Is that enough of an explanation for you?”

Zeng Rui and Zhang Hao sat on the far ends of the large table in the soundproof booth. They leaned back in their chairs and looked at each other. Their minds linked up as they tapped into the BroForce. A lover’s quarrel! Those two are in love with each other! Best for us to stay out of this!

Zeng Rui turned his head to look at his monitor again. The corpses from Zhejiang University’s Champions were strewn across the riverbed. He smiled in excitement. Sweet! We’ve basically won this game! We’re gonna win this game and then we’re going to Game 5! Who would’ve thought that after Game 2? I didn’t! Damn! We’re going to force an all deciding Game 5! Against AyDeeCee! We’re forcing a final game against a former pro here! Shit we’re good!

Qiu Yijie sat at the front of the venue in the player seating area. The audience was losing their minds behind him, their cheers slamming against the back of his head. But he was numb to it. His gaze was locked on the large LCD screen. On the five bodies from Zhejiang University. They’re actually pulling it off. The high school kids are going to force a fifth game. This isn’t just some joke anymore… They’re forcing AyDeeCee to a fifth game! This is insane! He shook his head and mumbled, “You were right. Zhejiang’s losing this one.”

Fudan University’s Jungler turned his head to look at his team captain in surprise. “What?” he asked.

Qiu Yijie glanced at his Jungler and repeated, “You were right. Team Shanghai is forcing a fifth game here.”

“Oh, right!” Fudan’s Jungler exclaimed. He scratched the back of his head, grinning, and said, “Kinda hard to believe, don’t you think? Everyone had written those high school kids off already. And here they are, smashing AyDeeCee himself! Just imagine the stomp it would’ve been without AyDeeCee! It’s crazy!”

Qiu Yijie nodded and replied, “Yeah. Crazy is the right word.”

Team Shanghai reached a point where An Xin’s Master Yi could 1vs5 Zhejiang University as long as she had Morgana’s Black Shield on her. And on top of that, they had four more Champions that were all ahead of their counterparts at Zhejiang University. Zeng Rui guided the team from objective to objective. They took down the Dragon, outer towers, inner towers, and finally Baron Nashor. Buffed by the giant purple worm, Team Shanghai dove Zhejiang University’s base and carried out a slaughter! Five kills. Zero deaths.

Team Shanghai took down the mid lane inhibitor tower and inhibitor at 27 minutes. There were still enough Blue minions on their side, so they pushed for the Nexus towers. Master Yi and Lucian shredded through the health bars on those two towers. The structures fell into ruin and Team Shanghai focused their firepower on the Nexus, while the players from Zhejiang University were still waiting to respawn on their fountain. But that never happened. The Nexus crystal exploded. The blue energy contained within broke out through the cracks and shot up into the sky, where it morphed into the victory emblem for Team Shanghai!

VICTORY!

Silent Reed turned her head to look at Rollfire and grinned brightly. How about that, you piece of shit!? She grabbed the microphone from its stand on the desk and placed it in front of her mouth. She shouted, “WOOOOOOO! What a game by Team Shanghai! They just keep getting better every game! What an absolute joy to watch them! From 2-0 behind to now 2-2! Are they going to complete the reverse sweep? Are they going to beat Shi Hang!?”

“WOOOOOOOOO!”
“TEAM SHANGHAI TAKE MY ENERGY!”
“REVERSE SWEEP IT! REVEEEERSE!”
“Drive me to Miami baby!”
“WOOT WOOT! BUNBUN BEST JUNGLER!”

“Maybe,” Rollfire replied. He shook his head and said through gritted teeth, “But one thing is for sure. Team Shanghai deserved this win.”

It was a good while before the audience calmed down. When they finally did, their focus shifted to Zhejiang University’s soundproof booth. One person said, “Is Team Shanghai really gonna reverse sweep Zhejiang University? How is this even possible? Zhejiang’s got AyDeeCee! How are they not stomping those kids from Team Shanghai!?”

“Yeah! This is ridiculous!” someone else chimed in. They shook their head and said, “Did AyDeeCee get that much worse? I mean, it doesn’t look like it. He’s still kicking ass from what I can tell. But Team Shanghai is still beating him… They’re playing out of their minds! That Midlaner-Jungler duo… Abso-fucking-mental!”

“Don’t forget about the ad-carry!” the first person added. He continued, “She’s pretty fly as well! But damn, I can’t believe it. This is cray-cray! You know, before this series when we heard AyDeeCee was playing, I thought for sure Zhejiang University was going to win the entire tournament! And now… Now they’re almost out! They’re on the brink of elimination! Can you believe it!? They might get eliminated in the next game!”

There was a thundering silence in Zhejiang University’s soundproof booth. The five players sat in their gaming chairs, slumped back. They didn’t look at their screens, but rather down at their feet. It was only two games ago that they were up 2-0 and morale was at an all-time high. The third game did a number on their morale. Yet it was the complete stomp they suffered in Game 4 that caused their morale to hit an all-time low.

Sun Ruinian looked at his teammates and finally mumbled, “What’s happening, guys? How are we losing this…?”

Shi Hang shook his head and replied, “I don’t know. I don’t.”

The three other team members from Zhejiang University looked at their two captains. Sun Ruinian was their star player and one of the best ad-carries in the entire Winter Collegiate Cup, yet he was struggling against the girl from Team Shanghai. Every bit of intel they’d gathered before the series suggested that Sun Ruinian should win his lane, but he wasn’t. And that didn’t even begin to explain what was happening in the mid lane. Shi Hang, the former professional player, was at best going even against Lin Feng. Their two best players were losing. Their entire team was losing.

Shi Hang breathed out loudly and said, “Guess I do know. We underestimated them.” He shook his head and chuckled. Maple, Maple, Maple… I was worried about you. So much so that I apparently forgot to look at the rest of your team. I figured my team was good enough to handle them. I was wrong. This team isn’t my team. Just like your team isn’t yours. I wish we were. That would be a fun series!

“So what do we do?” Sun Ruinian asked.

Shi Hang turned his head to look at his teammates and frowned. He said, “What do you mean, what do we do? We fight! We’re going to give it everything we got and we’re going to kick their asses! Come on, guys! Just because we’ve lost two games doesn’t mean we’re out! We would’ve won by now if that were the case! 2-0 up, remember? Let’s quit bitching and win this fifth game!” He then turned his head to look across the stage at Team Shanghai’s soundproof booth. It’s been years since I found myself in a situation like this. But I’m not going to let you walk all over me again! I’m gonna give you hell! The only way you’re getting your reverse sweep is by completely outplaying me!

Team Shanghai didn’t retreat backstage after the fourth game. They stayed in the soundproof booth and stared at their monitors. All of them were sweating nerves. The entire series against Zhejiang University was an uphill battle. Each game was a desperate attempt to not get eliminated. Yet now they were in the all-deciding fifth game. They weren’t playing to stay in the series anymore, they were playing to win it. They felt a completely different kind of pressure compared to the previous games.

Zhang Hao was drumming his fingers on the desk and stared at the monitor showing the endgame lobby. He kept mumbling to himself, “We won another one! One more to go! We won another one! One more to go! We won another one! One more to go!”

Zeng Rui tightly gripped onto his mouse. His heart was slamming into his ribcage! We can do it! We can really do it! We’re going to beat Zhejiang University and then win the Winter Collegiate Cup! Just one more game! All we have to do is win one more game against Zhejiang University! This is going to be it! Do or die! Oh shit, I don’t want to screw up! Please let me play like I did in the last two games… Wait, no! I will play like that! Yes, I definitely will! I’m going to carry the bot lane and help Tang Tang become Legendary! He clenched his fist and smiled. Time to give it my absolute all!

An Xin and Tang Bingyao glanced at each other and smiled. They could read the nerves in each others’ expressions. And then they found their gazes drawn to Lin Feng. An Xin saw the man she wished to play every game with. But she also saw the limited opportunities she had to do the things he loved with him. I need to make the most out of the time I have left! Every game is special! They’re all finals! For me, with him…

Tang Bingyao saw in Lin Feng a dream. The hope of becoming someone bigger than an elo-booster. He’d shown an entirely new world to her, but she was still only standing in the doorway. It was about time she took a step inside. Mhm! I want to play my game! That’s what he first saw and liked! I’ll show him how much I’ve improved! She put her hand in her pocket and felt the cold metal of her Draven keychain press against her skin.

Lin Feng didn’t notice the two girls looking at him. His eyes were locked on his monitor. On AyDeeCee. I never want to lose again! What happened in Season 1… Never. Never! Never! He shook his head. This isn’t a college tournament anymore. I’m not Lin Feng from Team Shanghai. In this game, against AyDeeCee, I’m Maple. This is my comeback announcement to him! I’ll show him… I’ll show everyone exactly how good Maple still is! And that I’ll be back to get my redemption! Just wait, Rake. I’m coming! He clenched his fist and punched the air, shouting, “YEAH!”

“Look at that!” Silent Reed exclaimed. She pointed at the large LCD screen that was showing the Champion Select for Game 5 and continued, “We’re getting a good view of Champion Select! We’ve got Team Shanghai on the left side! They’re the Blue team again this game! And on the right side, the Red team, we’ve got Zhejiang University!”

Rollfire nodded and said into his microphone, “We’re in the ban phase right now! Both teams get to ban three Champions. One each turn. Let’s see… Morgana ban! We’ve got the Morgana ban! That must mean no more Master Yi!”

“I think so too!” Silent Reed chimed in. She added, “Oh, oh, look! Ahri ban! And now Yasuo! They’re really going all out with those mid lane bans! Fizz! Veigar? Why would they… And Anivia? Well, that’s five mid lane bans!”

“Uh…” Rollfire scratched the back of his head and said, “LeBlanc is open.”

“Oh? Oh!” Silent Reed smiled and shouted, “Zhejiang is really daring here! They’ve left LeBlanc open! Team Shanghai’s got first pick too! Are we gonna see another LeBlanc performance from Lin Feng? Pretty please, yes please!”

The friends and former teammates from Team Shanghai were all sitting on the edge of their seats. Liu Yue turned his head to look at the others and said, “That girl caster is right! Lin Feng can pick LeBlanc! I really wanna see his LeBlanc again!” He then wrapped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “WOOT WOOT! WIN FENG CARRY US!”

Yang Fan adjusted his glasses and analysed, “The most likely scenario here is Lin Feng locking in LeBlanc. His LeBlanc is of a really high quality. He’s shown he can beat AyDeeCee with her too. When he picks her, they’ll have all but secured a win in Game 5. This is the chance to make it to nationals!”

Inside Team Shanghai’s soundproof booth, Zhang Hao leaned forward to look at Lin Feng and asked, “Shall I pick LeBlanc for you?”

Lin Feng turned his head to look across the stage at Zhejiang University’s soundproof booth. He hesitated for a moment, but then shook his head and said, “No need. Pick for another lane.”

“You can lock in Lee Sin for me,” An Xin said.

Zhang Hao nodded and said, “Ok.” He then clicked on Lee Sin’s summoner portrait and locked him in.

Rollfire’s eyes went wide. He shook his head and mumbled into his microphone, “Lee Sin…? Her Lee from Game 2 was completely underwhelming! Why is she…? I don’t get it.”

“They must have a good reason!” Silent Reed offered. But the confusion slipped into her voice. Why are they doing this? We’ve seen her Lee Sin! I know she’s good at Lee, I’ve seen it! But… Why today? Your Lee was not great in Game 2 and you were great on the other Champions! Just… She took a deep breath and shook her head. What do I know? She’ll have a pla

“LEBLANC! IT’S THE LEBLANC PICK!” Rollfire shouted. He jumped to his feet and held the microphone close to his lips before continuing, “Zhejiang University has locked in Jungle Elise and MIDLANE LEBLANC! AYDEECEE IS GOING ON LEBLANC!”

“Oh my god!” Silent Reed cried out. She leaned closer to the large LCD screen and added, “AyDeeCee is pulling out all the plugs! He’s taken the LeBlanc from Lin Feng! Was this their plan all along!?”

Most people in the audience were so focused on the possibility of Lin Feng locking in LeBlanc that they were completely caught off guard when Zhejiang University locked her in. But a small group of fans jumped to their feet and started screaming and shouting. They were the esports club members from Zhejiang University. Zuo Cheng was at their head. He wrapped his hands around his mouth and yelled, “CAP’S LEBLANC IS THE BEST! THE KID MADE SHI HANG MAD! TEAM SHANGHAI IS GONNA GET WRECKED! MID LANE IS A WIN!”

In Team Shanghai’s soundproof booth, Zeng Rui stared at his monitor. He felt his eyelid twitching again. That’s AyDeeCee’s LeBlanc, shit! SHIT! Why didn’t we pick LeBlanc first!? We should’ve! We… We! … He sighed and shook his head. We’re risking it all for… What if AyDeeCee beats Lin Feng now!? He turned his head to look at Lin Feng. Huh? His eyes went wide in surprise. Is… Is he laughing?

Lin Feng grinned brightly. So you’re looking to challenge me with your LeBlanc, eh? Nice try! Want some redemption for Game 3? Fat chance! He turned his head to look across the stage at Zhejiang University’s soundproof booth. Haha! You’re even… He shook his head and waved, mouthing, “Good luck!”

Shi Hang waved back at Lin Feng, his eyes blazing with determination! Your LeBlanc is great! But don’t think mine is any weaker than yours! I’m just as good, if not better! And I’m going to kick your ass in this game! I can’t let my first competitive game in three years be a loss! I have to win this! I’m going to beat you, Maple! He chuckled. Man, that fossil from Fudan is going to laugh his ass off if I lose this. I really can’t lose this!

It was Team Shanghai’s turn to choose their second and third Champion. They locked in Irelia for the top lane and Blitzcrank in the Support role. Next up was third and fourth pick for Zhejiang University. They went with Tristana and Braum. And finally Team Shanghai got to pick their fourth and fifth Champions to round out their team.

Tang Bingyao asked over the team’s voice chat, “Can I… Uhm… Can I play Draven?”

An Xin smiled and replied, “Of course you can! I want you to play your most comfortable Champion! I believe in you!”

“YoYo, ZengZeng!” Lin Feng interrupted. He leaned forward to look past Tang Bingyao at Zeng Rui and continued, “Pick me my Champion! This is the one!” He raised his arms to shoulder height, pushed his lips forward and narrowed his eyes. Then he said in the lowest voice he could, “The unseen blade is the deadliest!”

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Sietse's Thoughts on Thin Privilege

Announcement:

Double chappie! WOOPIE DOOPIE DOOOOOOOOOO!

Translator Thought:

Sietse Thought: There are these fat people who get upset when thin people eat a lot. They shout that it’s super unfair! They get even more upset when you tell them you really need to eat more, but that your stomach doesn’t want to eat that much. For some reason, the idea that other people should eat more than they want while they have to limit themselves not to get even fatter is terrible for them. Like, “oh no! I can’t eat as much as I want, so you can’t either!” What is this stupid ass mentality?

Why am I asking this? Because it happened to me the other day. Little backstory. I’ve been finding myself with a lack of energy recently and a lot of people have been saying I don’t eat a lot. So I figured I should eat a bit more and see if that solves my issues. I told this to someone who packs a few extra pounds… Okay, they’re fat as fuck. Anyway, I told them and they got legitimately upset with me, because apparently struggling to eat more is a luxury! 

No. It’s not a luxury to need more food but not feeling hungry/not wanting to eat. It’s hell. Just because you can gorge yourself on a triple McDonalds meal doesn’t mean everyone can. I can’t even stomach McDonalds… Shit makes me puke. Yet here my problems are thrown on the ground and stamped on by this fat bitch because apparently they aren’t ‘real problems’. ‘You don’t fully understand until you have to lose weight, but you’ve never been fat’. 

Seriously, what’s up with this dumbass gatekeeping? Having to gain weight or lose it, it’s a fucking fight. How hard of a fight? That fucking depends on the person. Stop telling people they have it easy because it sounds easy to you! Listen to what they have to say. Try and understand how they are struggling! And show some goddamn support for that. Then maybe they’ll do the same for you. Maybe they’ll support you too. Maybe they’ll be that rock you need to get yourself to a healthier lifestyle. But nah, let’s just tell them they’re whiny bitches because only fat people know the struggles of eating.

This little rant reminds me about this video from like 2000 or something. It was an Australian Talk Show if I remember correctly. They gathered a bunch of people from all sizes and had an open discussion. The amount of stupid that comes out of some people is just astounding. Rather than writing someone’s issues off because you can’t understand them, try to fucking understand them!

Damn, I don’t get why people are this stupid.

Shanks Thought: First off, I’m rightly offended that Sietse didn’t approach me with this issue, and I’m only finding out about it now in a thought. If I had known earlier, I would’ve sent him another box of chocolate so he can get in those extra calories! 

As a fellow fat person, I think I can understand the mindset of the person Sietse talked to. That doesn’t justify the reaction, but maybe I can shed some light. Every fat person hopes to be skinny and healthy one day. Every fat person also believes that all their issues, both food and non-food related, will be miraculously solved as long as they can lose those pounds. Of course, this isn’t realistic, but many of us buy into this fantasy anyway. So seeing someone like Sietse, a relatively fit and healthy guy in his 20s, talk about his struggles with food is a really scary thing for us.

It’s the dawning realization that many of our issues won’t go away, even after we lose the weight. Sure, obesity might exacerbate some things, but the root of the problem will remain. Some fat people can’t accept this reality, like the person Sietse talked to. So, they get combative and deny reality. They can’t fathom how a skinny person could possibly have any issues with food and body image, because accepting it means denying the salvation they’ve been clinging onto. It’s a terrible mindset, and it sucks. But that’s how it is for some fat people. 

The truth is that everybody struggles with body image issues. Everybody struggles with some part of themselves. As much as you struggle with yourself, that doesn’t mean others aren’t either. I think that’s the core of the fat acceptance movement that kind of got bastardized along the way. It’s not about embracing obesity and deluding yourself into thinking it’s healthy. It’s about accepting that obesity doesn’t define you, that you may be in a shitty place right now, but you can make the concerted effort to change yourself and get healthier.

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