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~_^ Two Girls Duoing in Diamond and having fun! ~_^

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Heartless’ real name was Wang He. He was a student at East China University of Science and Technology. Right now, he sat behind his desk letting his rage take full control of him. He Alt F4’d out of the game of League and gripped his mouse tightly, lifted it up, and then slammed it down on his desk. “FUCK!” he screamed, picking his mouse back up and slamming it down again. “FUCK!” Something cracked as his mouse hit the wood of his desk for a third time. “FUCK FUCK FUCK! FUCK ALL OF THEM! USELESS FUCKING TEAMMATES!”

The loss against the two female streamers cut at Wang He where it hurt the most. He truly believed that the only reason his stream wasn’t gaining viewers was because there were female streamers who hogged all the viewers by showing off their cleavage. And he’d just lost against exactly this kind of streamer. Those fucking thots can’t play for shit! Fucking bullcrap! Wang He wouldn’t be Heartless if he accepted the loss of the game and of his viewers. He ground his teeth and punched his keyboard. Fucking teammates! If they weren’t so goddamn useless I wouldn’t have lost this game! Fuck!

Wang He turned to his webcam and raged, “It’s those shitty-ass teammates! That stupid Leona! Why did she have to engage at Level 2? She got me killed! And  then that Jarvan… Don’t get me started on the Jarvan! That piece of shit just threw his life away in that gank! Didn’t he see we were stuck behind the minions? We couldn’t do anything! Yet he just went in there all by himself and gave the fucking Draven a kill!” He took a moment to catch his breath, then continued on full tilt, “And what were mid and top doing? Were they blind or something? Couldn’t they see Draven was getting fed? What did they think? Just ignore and pretend it’ll be fine? Idiots! They’re all idiots! If they’d been half decent players, they’d come to the bot lane and helped me turn this fight around! We would’ve gotten a kill or two on the Draven and shut that thot down!”

There were still well over 50 viewers watching Wang He’s stream, sticking around purely for the epic meltdown. And Wang He wasn’t finished yet. He started jabbing his screen and screaming at his camera, spit flying everywhere. “I SWEAR! You can’t fucking climb in ranked because of all the brainless fucktards! They handed that Draven four kills! What was I supposed to do? There’s nothing I could do! She was too fed! The game was over! There is no fucking reason to keep playing! I did the only sensible thing!”

bro, you know you played like shit too, right?
who’s the dumbass who got hit by the nami Q first? Loooool」  
hahahahha this is epic dude. Keep raging please. Gimme more of this sweet salt XD
Hahahahhahah… man you suck
stop being a shit streamer. Fucking own up to your shit. Scrub
if you cant tell why that draven and nami get all the views, then you in for a harddddd time my very not friend

“You’re all fucking blind!” Wang He shouted at his screen. He flicked his mouse and deleted every single message that had anything besides supportive words. Then he took it a step further, banning everyone whose messages he didn’t like. “I don’t need noobs telling me shit! NO NOOBS ALLOWED IN THIS STREAM! And if you can’t tell that those two thots were trash, you’re a noob!”

The people who were left in the stream after the ban purge were those who hadn’t bothered to type in chat. But they’d seen enough. Watching Wang He’s epic meltdown was enjoyable for a bit, but it was growing stale. They hit the unfollow button or simply left the steam. There was nothing here worth seeing. None of them were planning to come back.

Wang He saw the number of followers drop as did the number of viewers, until there was almost no one left. This only served to further infuriate him. In his mind, his stream was the best. They should be fucking happy to be here! It’s their good fortune to see me play! He shouted at the top of his lungs, “FINE! FUCKING LEAVE! YOU THINK I FUCKING CARE? I DON’T! GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE! GO JERK OFF TO YOUR TITTY STREAMS! LOSER—”

The door to Wang He’s dorm room suddenly swung open and a male student walked in. He had a big grin on his face and said, “Yo, Wang He! Hear you’re still streaming. How’s it going, mister big time streamer? You getting more popular yet?”

Wang He didn’t know half how fast he had to close his stream. He then turned around to look at the male student and laughed awkwardly. “Oh, uh, heh. Hey, Hu Hui. It’s going decent, I guess. Slowly growing every day. All I really need is to be featured once. I’ll make it big.”

“Not bad. Not bad at all, man! I could hear you all excited from down the hallway!” Hu Hui said, laughing. “Anyway, I came to let you know the team captain has called a meeting. Probably something to do with the Collegiate Cup. It’s starting in a few days already. I’m guessing he wants us to practice some more.”

Wang He turned off his computer with two fast clicks and then stood up. “No worries. I was just done with streaming anyway. Let’s go see what Zhu Feng wants from us.”

The two friends left the dormitory together, casually chatting. The esports club room was in another building, and with the Collegiate Cup starting in only a few days, that was naturally where their conversation drifted towards. Hu Hui nodded at a few people walking by and then said to Wang He, “Did you hear? There’s three high school teams competing in the Collegiate Cup. That’s not all. It gets even better. There’s a rumour going around that the high school team from Shanghai beat the Shanghai University of Finance 2-0 in a scrim last Saturday!”

“A high school team?” Wang He asked. He then snorted and said, “Just a bunch of high schoolers. What’s the big deal? I bet Luo Yu and those guys had some first years play for them?”

Hu Hui shook his head and explained, “That’s not what I heard. Apparently the high school team played against the main roster. They beat Luo Yu.”

Wang He stopped walking, surprised. They beat Luo Yu? That… That can’t be! Yeah, it can’t be. He sneered and said, “Then they were probably just sandbagging for the lols. Or their good members graduated? I don’t know what you heard, but you really believe a bunch of high schoolers can beat that team? Piss off. I don’t believe it. If they really did lose, then they don’t deserve to be the third ranked team in East China. We’ll kick them off their pedestal!”

Tang Bingyao played several more games together with Su Xue. They won each one of them. Not that it was much of a challenge. Tang Bingyao was practically a Master rank ad-carry, while she was duo queuing with Su Xue who was only Platinum. That placed their shared rank somewhere in low Diamond. There wasn’t a single ad-carry at this rank who could beat Tang Bingyao. That combined with her highly aggressive style of play, and she won games before anything could even happen in the top or mid lane.

The viewers were loving every second of the stream. This more than made up for the sudden end to the stream from the night before. Tang Bingyao even started interacting with them a bit after the initial nerves wore down. She smiled and thanked them for their compliments. She even cracked a few jokes and pointed out why their opponents weren’t all that good.

Su Xue was also happy, but for another reason entirely. She was constantly looking for ways to increase the popularity of her stream. One of the tricks she’d been playing around with recently was the stream title. It could be used to trick unsuspecting people browsing HuyaTV to click on the stream. When they open the stream and see me, they’ll keep watching! I just need to get them in here! And these titles are working great for that! She smiled, glancing at the stream title.

~_^ Two Girls Duoing in Diamond and having fun! ~_^

This morning is really good! My viewer numbers are higher than ever before! For the first time, all by herself with only a little help from Tang Bingyao, Su Xue hit 10,000 viewers! She wanted to keep playing for hours and days and however long the number of viewers kept climbing. There were so many people here watching her and she hated to let them all down by going offline. But noon was fast approaching. Tang Bingyao and Lin Feng had to leave soon and she still had to make them lunch. So after yet another win, she turned to the webcam and said, “Sorry, guys. That was the last one. I need to make lunch, and these two are heading out soon.”

TANG TANG, DON’T LEAVE UUUS!
PRO GAMERS DON’T NEED TO EAT!
Have xue xue go cook! Tang Tang can stay and play a few more games of solo queue! Oh, how about having her duo with lil bro!
tang tang should set up her own stream! I’m getting bored of watching xue xue anyway

Su Xue narrowed her eyes and said, “You can kiss her ass all you want! I don’t care. But how dare you say you’re bored with my stream!? I’m right here! At least say it behind my back!”

I would, but my car only has half a tank of gas!

“You’re not funny. I’m not fat!” Su Xue yelled. Then she closed the stream, sending a few more messages in the chat. Her viewers loved to tease her. She would act mad. They would apologize. And the cycle repeated itself. She shook her head before getting up and going to the kitchen. She said to Lin Feng and Tang Bingyao, “You kids do something. I’m going to make lunch.”

Lin Feng completely ignored Su Xue. Something else entirely was on his mind. He looked at Tang Bingyao and said, “I think they’re right, Tang Tang! You should set up your own stream! That way, if we can’t find sponsors for our superteam 2.0, we can just earn some money with that stream! Oh! Oh! And we can have BunBun stream too! We’re going to make so much money!”

Su Xue paused at the door to her room. She turned back around to look at Lin Feng and said, “You’re planning on making two girls work hard and earn money just for them to give it all to you? I dare you to tell that idea to BunBun.”

The players from Team Shanghai gathered at the cybercafe around 1 P.M. Zeng Rui had already prepared a chalkboard in their private room and An Xin was standing in front of it. She clapped her hands together and smiled. “Alright! Everyone’s here! Let’s get started with a warm-up game!”

Lin Feng put his hand up in the air and, without waiting for his turn, said, “BunBun! I came up with a great plan! Listen. How about you and Tang Tang start streaming? Both a different stream! And then you give the money you make to me and I’ll spend it on the superteam 2.0! Doesn’t that sound great?”

An Xin’s expression fell. She looked at Lin Feng for a long, hard second. Her lips started curving upwards. Murder appeared in her eyes. But then she shook her head and turned to Tang Bingyao. Can’t deal with that idiot right now. Her smile became kinder, the anger disappearing from her eyes. She asked, “How are you feeling? A headache? You did get pretty wasted last night…”

Tang Bingyao felt her face heat up. She looked down at her feet and shook her head. “I… I’m fine. Thanks. My head doesn’t really hurt. It won’t affect my gameplay.” She glanced at An Xin from the corners of her eyes before quickly looking away. I’m not telling anyone what happened last night! Nothing happened! Mhm! Nothing happened! She glanced at An Xin again. She can never know that I slept at Lin Feng’s place! She chewed on her lips, her heart racing and smashing into her ribs. Please don’t say what happened, Lin Feng. Please keep your mouth shut!

2
0

Thoughts on Streaming

Announcement:

We’re planning a fun little charity fundraiser thing. A confusing one that’s very in-line with our DumbfuckTV aesthetic. The last year has been a clusterfuck with this whole pandemic thing. Not super great for any of us. But it’s been especially bad in underdeveloped countries and parts of the world. Doctors Without Borders has spent this last year sending physicians and nurses, medical supplies, setting up temporary hospitals and ICUs all over the world to help keep people alive. And now they’re working on trying to get doses of the vaccine out to critical areas where people can’t afford them. It’s a good cause, helps out a lot of people who need it, and the organization itself is one that genuinely uses any money donated to them instead of funneling it into an “administrative costs” void.

Here’s the fundraiser:

WHEN: Monday, March 15th 2021
HOW: We’re going to make an announcement post that reads “When I say MOO! You say COW! MOO!
WHAT YOU DO: Comment on that post with the word “COW!” And then whatever else you want. Just make sure COW is in there somewhere.
HOW DOES THIS DUMB THING MAKE MONEY FOR CHARITY?: There are a bunch of people who have pledged to donate $1 for every 10 cow comments! We’ll be doing the same. If you would like to pledge, please contact us on Discord. Link is down below. You can DM any of us if you don’t actually want to talk about this on the server.  

(Just as an FYI, we’re capping every pledge at a maximum donation value of $100. On the off chance that this goes weirdly viral and there’s 50000000 COW comments. We’re trying to do some good while having fun. Not bankrupt the Rise community. If you want to participate and pledge but want a lower pledge cap, or you want to pledge a different amount, feel free to let us know and we’ll work with that.)

(FYI 2: Right. The Doctors Without Borders organization is now aware that we exist and incredibly confused by us. They’ve stopped trying to figure out exactly what the hell we are, and are now happy to take any donation we give them to get rid of us.)

Translator Thought:

Sietse Thought: Last week on our very own Rise stream, Shanks used a title about ‘cosplaying as Tang Bingyao’. He even dressed the part. This man grew his hair out over the lockdown and put it into a mullet. He needs a few more months and he can actually pull a Tang Bingyao off. But then I noticed the complete lack of random viewers opening the stream to see what was happening. Somewhere in that stream title, something was missing. We couldn’t garner enough interest from the average Twitch viewer to click on the stream and check out how Shanks teaches everyone the fundamentals of League of Legends by feeding against Bronze level players in spectacular fashion!

That begs to question. Where did it all go wrong? Tang Bingyao is a beautiful young girl! Why wouldn’t people wanna watch her stream!? Now that I’m thinking about it, they probably haven’t the faintest clue who Tang Bingyao even is. They probably saw a weird Chinese name together with this Asian kid rocking a mullet. I wouldn’t click on that stream either. It sounds and looks suspiciously much like a trap.

So I figured that we could use the Translator Thought today to come up with some brilliant ideas for the next time we’re streaming. Our goal is to come up, over the course of this TL thought, with such an absolutely epic stream title that everyone on Twitch will feel themselves drawn to checking out this stream. And well, then it’s all up to Shanks to entertain them with his high level skills of feeding and tilting! Maybe we can even have a Su Xue-esque segment where we all make fun of Shanks after he loses yet another game. And then he acts all hurt while, to put it in webnovel terms, secretly smiling.

Dev Thought: Speaking of stream ideas and all that, we’ve been doing some research on how to actually do the whole streaming thing. Figured there’d be a whole world of advice out there about how to structure segments of the stream, things that make it easier for people to understand what is happening in the game, nitty-gritty technical stuff, you know? What I found was something completely different. 

Just a whole bunch of people spouting OBVIOUS shit at people too stupid to understand that obvious shit on their own. It blew my mind. Like the number 1, most important, biblical word-of-God type advice out there for new streamers is to remember that you’re on stream to entertain people. And if you’re entertaining, people will show up. But the audience will not show up to entertain you. 

What have we come to as a society and as a species where this is actually considered legitimate and necessary advice? Why are people this stupid? My research into streaming and how to make it better has ended with me being further disappointed in humanity and even more jaded. 

There are days when I look at the greater webnovel reading community and the stuff they say, and I seriously wonder if I’m doing the right thing by being involved in the production of a webnovel. I’m not even kidding for the sake of making this a funny thought. I actually sit there and wonder if I’m genuinely making the world a shitter place by putting a webnovel out there. 

Man. This took a dark turn and no one is stopping me. DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE OF SERIOUSLY UNDERMANAGED CLINICAL DEPRESSION WE GO, BOIS! 

Sietse Thought (Continued): So much for figuring out a cool stream title. Guess we first have to worry about our 84 days streak without someone having a mental breakdown. But wait, maybe that can be our stream title! I’m sure there are many others amongst us struggling with depression in any shape. They’d feel right at home with us! We’re one big, happy, depressed family! Some of our unique features can be: Talking ourselves down, saying stupidly depressing things because that’s just how we feel, and anything else that comes to mind!

~_^ Join our 87 days without a mental breakdown!

Shanks Thought: I think, in the process of trying to figure out how to make our stream bigger, Twitch broke Devshard. He’s been repeating terms like “poggers”, “ez clap”, and “kappa”, ad nauseam since yesterday. I’m surprised he didn’t do it today in this thought. But now, it looks like he’s spiralling into a manic depressive state. See folks, this is what Twitch does to you!

Oh, and I suppose we’ll have to update that counter.

~_^ Join our 00 days without a mental breakdown!

Btw, didn’t grow a bullet. These kinds don’t even know what a mullet is. All i did was wear a headband to pull my hair back. 

Dev Thought (continued): EZCLAP! POGGERS! NO CAP! KREYYYYYYGAAAASSSSMMMM!

Sietse Thought (Continued): Please be a little more entertaining. I’m not entertained. Didn’t you read the advice? Be entertaining if you want viewers! They aren’t there to entertain you! Also, anyone notice how Shanks is casually wearing a bullet?

OMG YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS! :Pikachu_Surprised: HE’S WEARING A BULLET ON HIS BIG, MASSIVE, GINORMOUS HEAD!!!

Our Brand New, Super Awesome Sign Off Message:

We still haven’t gotten what we wanted! There is still no button to click! A single clickable button is all I’m asking for! Upvote that chapter to the top! We’re going to be Wuxiaworld famous! All we need are a few more upvotes and likes! And maybe a comment or two!

Today’s goal is to write something so incredibly confusing (But in decent enough grammar please) that it gives Shanks whiplash! I know you guys can do it! Make the man hurt!

Comment LIKE if you liked the chapter.
Comment NOLIKE if you hated it.

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