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A Bad Case of Lin Feng

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After High School 13 won the Level 1 teamfight against Shanghai International, Wei Dong snuck into their Jungle and placed a ward in the Blue Buff Camp. This gave Lin Feng all the information he needed. He knew exactly when the Rek’Sai killed the Blue Sentinel and when she started walking in the direction of the Red Buff Camp. He had his Olaf sneak into Shanghai International’s top side Jungle, going unnoticed, and hid in the brush next to the Red Buff Camp. There, he waited for the Rek’Sai. A murmur went through the crowd as they watched this happen.

“Man, that’s bloody dirty!”
“GET SOME WARDS! Damn idiots… It’s like they’ve never played the game before.”
“Maybe the Rek’Sai will check the brush?”
“This is going to be so sad for that Rek’Sai…”
“I’m kind of feeling bad for Shanghai International…”

Westwind shook his head and looked at the crowd. This play was going to be painful to watch. He had to do something to make everyone excited for it! He grabbed his microphone and said, “Why is everyone so quiet? This is EXCITING! The Olaf is showing us some real SKILL! Let’s hear it for Olaf and his first kill! WOOO!”

Silent Reed stared at the screen and said, “Rek’Sai’s early game will be ruined. Two deaths within five minutes. That’s just… I don’t know. Yan Liang and his team are going to have a hard time.”

Lin Feng sat in the brush, waiting. He panned his camera across the map to see how his teammates were doing, then turned his attention back to the Red Buff Camp. The Rek’Sai appeared from the fog of war a couple of seconds later. She attacked the Red Brambleback with an auto attack, then stopped. There was a slight hesitation as the fiery monster attacked her. It was as though it occurred to her that she should make sure the Olaf wasn’t anywhere near her. She walked into the brush next to her to get better vision of her surroundings. Fuck.

Lin Feng grinned. The Rek’Sai walked right into him. He pressed the Q key–Undertow! Lin Feng’s Olaf hurled his axe, hitting and slowing the Rek’Sai. He picked up his axe and threw it again. The Rek’Sai wanted to escape, but she had no Flash to jump over a wall and create some distance. There also weren’t any teammates that could come and help her, because she was in the middle of her Jungle, far away from the lanes. Another axe hit her. Her health was reaching critical levels. She tried to run towards Shanghai International’s base. But it was too far away. The axes kept coming until her health bar bottomed out.

《You have slain an enemy!》

Lin Feng clenched his fist and threw it up in the air, cheering, “Heck yeah! Invading is the best!”

Viewers across different streams on various streaming platforms all felt the Rek’Sai’s pain. They’d all played games like this where an opponent was abusing them. These kinds of games were the most infuriating to play. They made you rage and scream at your screen. They made you fight the urge to punch a hole in the wall. They made you battle that voice in your head that was demanding you to throw your monitor out of the window. The viewers started flooding the chats.

I’m not even playing the game, and I’m tilted just watching this!!

fk me! that olaf is so dirty

just feel bad for the rek… shit.. These kinda games are the worst

open mid? dont see those guys coming back from this

that fucking olaf knew reksai had no flash. fucking lowblow man

He played it brilliantly, no denying that. But come on, was that really necessary? Give that poor Rek’Sai a break!

The mood was completely different in Su Xue’s stream. Her viewers enjoyed every second of this game. They loved seeing Lin Feng exploit the weaknesses of the opponent. His ‘show no mercy’-attitude made for some beautiful moments they would never forget. Some of the older viewers recalled the time that Lin Feng had set up a tent in bot lane, killing LovelyRose whenever she got back to lane. That was the kind of games they wanted to see! They flooded the chat with their excitement.

lil bro the god! YEAAH!

NICE CATCH! Godlee does it again, WOOOOO!!!!!

We only bow to lil broooooo!!!!!

Hahahhahahahahahahhaha, didnt expect any different from lil bro!!

I pray to the Church of Lin Feng!!!!!1!11

“Haha! Go Lin Feng!” Su Xue exclaimed, hopping up and down in her gaming chair. Then she turned to look at her webcam and said gleefully, “See! What did I tell you guys? Lin Feng’s the dirtiest player of ‘em all! No one’s dirtier than he is! Haha! That Jungler will want to uninstall the game by the end of this!”

Shanghai International’s voice chat was quiet. It was a silence that made the air itself feel heavy. This game was supposed to be the moment they turned things around. After everything that had happened in the previous game, they’d agreed to leave that all behind them and focus on making it through to the Finals. They’d done their best to hype themselves and each other up. They’d prepared a game plan and worked out a strategy that was supposed to work. But before any of that could come into play, they were thrown on the backfoot in the Level 1 teamfight, directly followed by the Rek’Sai dying in her own Jungle. They found themselves back in the same mental state of the last game. Angry and frustrated. They were in no mood to talk.

Yan Liang took a deep breath. He looked at his teammates, chewing his frustration away on his lips, then said, “It’s fine, guys. Two kills, that’s all. Play it safe. Don’t give away anymore kills. We’re the better team. We have to win this.”

Back in the game, Lin Feng was on the move again. He had killed Rek’Sai and the Red Brambleback. There was nothing else for him in the Jungle, so he turned his attention to the top lane. He pinged on Shanghai International’s outer tower and said over the team’s voice chat, “Chen Ze, push out your lane. I’m coming!”

Chen Ze was initially being pushed back by Shanghai International’s Fiora. But when Lin Feng killed the Rek’Sai in Shanghai International’s Jungle, the Fiora directly stopped her aggression and retreated back towards her own outer tower. This gave Chen Ze the opportunity to have his Jarvan IV clear the Red minion wave and push the lane. The Blue minions marched towards Shanghai International’s outer tower and crashed into it. All the while, Lin Feng had his Olaf run through the Jungle into a brush behind the outer tower.

Yan Liang was paying careful attention to his minimap after the kill on Rek’Sai. He immediately noticed when the Fiora backed away and when the Jarvan IV took the opportunity to push the lane out. That’s odd. Why didn’t he freeze the lane? “Fishy,” he mumbled to himself. Another gank? That could… He made the decision right away. Something was going very wrong in the top lane. He had to be there and help his Toplaner out. So he had his Orianna fall back to the outer tower in the mid lane and Teleported to the Fiora, saying over the team’s voice chat, “I’m coming top!”

A pillar of red light descended on Shanghai International’s outer tower in the top lane. Lin Feng stared at it for a moment and then said over the team’s voice chat, “Oh. That was fast. Doesn’t matter. Abort, Chen Ze. I’ll go somewhere else.” He’d forced the Orianna to use her Teleport, a valuable Summoner Spell, and he hadn’t even had to do anything for it. On top of that, the Orianna would lose minions in the mid lane. He didn’t even need to gank to make this gank worth it!

Yan Liang was stewing in anger. He’d saved his Toplaner from a gank, probably. They never actually got vision on the Olaf. But he felt pretty confident that they’d stopped a gank. He had paid the price for it, though. He missed out on gold and experience in the mid lane and lost the small advantage he had built up over the Lissandra. Damn it! That damned Olaf! It’s the same every single fucking time! He was growing more irritated by the second. Lin Feng had beat him in Game 1. Lin Feng had beat him in Game 2. And now Lin Feng was strolling around in the Jungle, making Yan Liang’s entire team look like a bunch of beginners! Who the fuck does he think he is! He, he… Wait. Yan Liang suddenly remembered what had happened a week ago after the Quarterfinals. Chu Fang, the vice president of the Shanghai Esports Association, had come looking for Lin Feng. The two had interacted like they were old friends. Yan Liang turned away from his monitor to look at Lin Feng across the stage, mumbling, “How does he know Chu Fang? Just who the hell is he…”

At 7 minutes, Yang Fan couldn’t hold the mid lane any longer. He just wasn’t good enough at the game to face off against a Master player. The Orianna always knew when to attack and she brought his health down to half. He was thinking of recalling back to base, trying to last hit a few more minions, when the Rek’Sai came for a gank. He smashed down on his D key–Flash! But the Rek’Sai was faster, flashing on top of his Lissandra and knocking her up into the air. Yang Fan adjusted his glasses, watching his screen turn grey, and said, “Shit! My bad. I was too late with my Flash. The Rek’Sai flash-engaged me. I won’t let it happen again. Sorry, guys.

Lin Feng shook his head and laughed. “No worries! You said the Rek’Sai flashed? I got this. Leave it to me. I’ll make her pay for killing you! Haha!”

After helping Yan Liang pick up a kill on the Lissandra, Shanghai International’s Jungler had his Rek’Sai path towards the bottom side of the Jungle. He was smiling ever so slightly again. The game was finally looking on the up. They were talking over the team’s voice chat again and he could feel his mood improving by the second. He had his Rek’Sai go to the Gromp Camp, located across from the Blue Buff Camp, and started attacking the big frog. And then he took an axe in the knee.

Lin Feng grinned and shouted, “It’s me again! Did you miss me? Haha!”

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Spicy Food FTW! Shanks is Clearly Fake Asian

Small Announcement from Shanks:

I’ll be spending Christmas Eve & Christmas alone on campus this year, so I thought why not stream it? So, if you’re a lonely sad sack like me, come and hang out with me at Twitch.tv/RiseTheWebnovel. Stream starts on December 24th at 2PM PST/5PM EST/10PM GMT/9AM AEDT, and I’ll be going on as long as I can. In-houses on League with readers, ARAMs, Among US, etc. I might also try and badly fail at singing Christmas songs.

———————————————

Shanks Thought: Oh man, I always thought I had a strong stomach, but then I ate a spicy cabbage salad made by my Chinese roommate and it fucked me up the whole day. It was awful. Felt constantly nauseous and about to puke, but I could never vomit anything out. It also took me hours to get over the nausea in bed and finally fall asleep. Weird thing is that both of us ate the same salad. So, I’m sure it wasn’t food poisoning or anything since he’s perfectly fine. Just a really spicy fucking salad, I guess, and a dish that I’m not really used to.

Now I kind of feel bad for making fun of my Chinese roommates for not handling Western dishes well, like getting stomach aches over cold food & drinks, or mashed potatoes making them sick. I think I’ll be more cautious trying out new foods from now on. I probably won’t have to worry about trying out Dutch food from Sietse, though. The level of blandness of their food is about equal if not worse than the UK’s. On the other hand, I’ll be on high alert when visiting Devshard. I’ve seen the crazy kinds of foods they make in India. Either spiced so heavily that it’ll make your asshole shit flames, or slathered with so much butter that it clogs your veins. Definitely not a fun time for your pancreas.

Sietse Thought: Spicy food is delicious. But you have to know your own limits. It goes from yummie to “I WANNA PUKE AND DIE!!!” really quick. I still remember, and sometimes have nightmares, of a time when I went to a Chinese restaurant with the hockey team. We were like 15 kids of 15 years old, convinced there was no food spicy enough to stop us. We bragged the whole night, until the owner of the restaurant brought out the really terrible … things. I don’t remember what they were called, or what they looked like (bright colours I think). All I remember was the burning sensation. You would grab one of those monstrosities from the plate, and your hands got itchy. You took a bite and you just felt from your lips, on your tongue, to the back of your mouth and then down your throat. It burned. It burned so badly. Tears welled from our eyes and rolled down our cheeks. With our hands, we wiped them away. Mistake. The spiciness travelled from our hands to our faces. Our eyes were now also burning. All of us rushed to the toilet and were looking for faucets to put our faces under. Everything burned. It hurt so damn much. Every bit of skin we touched started burning. Eyes, mouth, nose, and ears. Just when you told yourself not to touch anything else, you had to pee and forgot that touching it down there made it burn down there. I’ve been told that we looked really funny. It was not funny. It was painful. Very. Fucking. Painful.

We still occasionally joke about that night. But we never laugh about it. Maybe a forced grin, but that’s it. That night is a painful reminder of the dumb mistakes you can make. And to never make them. You don’t need to like spicy food. It’s not cool to try and eat something that’s way too spicy for you. It’s stupid and it will burn and you will regret it. Don’t be stupid. Eat responsibly!

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