395

The Blind Arrow

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Yu Ping squeezed his mouse in frustration. Tendrils of corruption clung to his Ahri and rooted her to the ground. A blight-tipped arrow pierced her. Varus was an attack damage Champion, making his auto attacks far more potent than hers. That alone wasn’t enough to kill Yu Ping’s Ahri though. That also wasn’t why Yu Ping was grinding his teeth and punching his keyboard. It was An Xin’s Evelynn. She was there the whole time, wasn’t she? That’s why he didn’t hit Level 6 on the last wave. She was soaking up half of the experience! I should’ve seen something was up, but… But… But I was too busy trying to bait him!

An Xin’s Evelynn ran up to Ahri and slashed with her two razor sharp claws. She followed up with Hate Spike, a thorn of malice that penetrated through Ahri’s chest! Her claws then lit up with a baleful, purple aura. They defied physics as the skill Ravage moved them up again and across Ahri’s chest!

“Break already!” Yu Ping cursed at his screen. He was frantically clicking next to his outer tower and smashing his R key for the third and final cast of Spirit Rush. The tendrils of corruption glued to his Ahri started dissipating. His Ahri still had a bit of health remaining. Hope reignited. He saw on his minimap that Gragas was almost in the mid lane to help him escape. I’m gonna get out! SPIRIT RUSH!

Lin Feng’s Varus hadn’t stood still after rooting Ahri. He’d started walking at her and past her, only stopping to hit another auto attack. When Ahri dashed past him and back towards her out tower, he laughed and said over the team’s voice chat, “See how obvious?”

“Yeah, yeah,” An Xin replied. She followed after Ahri with Flash and auto attacked her another time before stopping. She added, “You finish it. I’m going to block Gragas.”

“I will!” Lin Feng exclaimed. He clicked on Ahri again. Varus pulled back the string on his bow and then let go. A blight-tipped arrow pierced Ahri and killed her.

《First Blood!》

On the casters desk, FourEyesChan pushed his glasses up the rim of his nose and grabbed his microphone. He shouted, “WHAT A DIRTY TRICK! DISGUSTING! … But fuck me if that wasn’t a beautiful kill. Don’t you think, Cherry?”

Cherry was the female co-caster for the Winter Collegiate Cup Finals. She smiled and replied, “Woooo! Nice trap!”

“Come on, Yu Ping! Show them the Beijing way!”

“What the fuck? SO DIRTY! YUCK!”

“Can’t cheer for this crap. DIRTY TRICKS! DIRTY TRICKS!”

“Beijingers don’t need cheap tricks!”

“WOOOOO YU PING!”

Zou Cheng from Zhejiang University looked behind them at the audience. People were up from their seats, jeering Team Shanghai. He shook his head and said to his teammates, “Those guys are in for a rough awakening.”

“Yeah,” Zhejiang University’s Jungler added, laughing. “I still get goosebumps when I think back to that game we played against them. Yu Ping is going to be in for a bad fucking time. Lin Feng’s Varus is insane!”

Sun Runian nodded and chimed in, “Shi Hang kept him down for quite a bit in the early game. But then… Well, you guys were there. You know.”

“Yeah…” Zhejiang University’s Toplaner muttered.

Su Xue sat on the edge of her seat. Each movement from Lin Feng got an excited response from her. And when he killed Ahri for first blood, she jumped to her feet and struck his trademark victory pose. It was this genuine joy that saw close to a hundred thousand people tuning into her stream. She lifted their days.

The game reached the 9th minute and Su Xue was hopping around on her gaming chair. “Look. Look!” she shouted, pointing at her screen. “Our lil bro is at 84 CS and that stupid Ahri is stuck at 71! He’s got such a big lead in only 9 minutes!”

thats our lil bro for you!!!! BEST PLAYER EVAAHHHHH

hed be further ahead if it wasnt for the gragas coming mid 24/7/365!!

Can’t believe Li’l’ Bro didn’t even kill the Gragas yet. He’s definitely underperforming today.

THIS SERIES IS GONNA BE SIIIIIICKK! LOOK AT LIL BRO KICKIN ASS!!!

“No. No!” Su Xue screamed. She put her hands over her face and pulled down, stretching her skin. “NO! GET OUT, LIN FENG! GET OUT!” She stared at her screen in horror. Varus was an immobile Champion and Team Beijing knew this. Their Gragas snuck towards the mid lane again, this time evading Team Shanghai’s ward coverage by sneaking into their Jungle. Lin Feng was pushing his wave when Gragas appeared behind him. Ahri jumped at him and Charmed him.

“CLEANSE! FLASH! DO SOMETHING!” Su Xue screeched. But Lin Feng did neither. He instead had his Varus last hit a few more minions while dodging skillshots until a final Spirit Rush dash from Ahri slew him.

“Why? Why–y–y?” Su Xue weeped. She flung her arm at the screen and cried out, “Why didn’t he just Fla—”

coz he was dead anyway…

varus has low health. He got the most out of that…

“SHHHH!” Su Xue interrupted. She pointed at her screen and continued, “Look. Look! They’re fighting in bot! Looks like BunBun came for the gank and HaoBro teleported down from top!

“Darius is following after HaoBro, but Tang Tang’s Jinx put down her Flame Chompers! That’s a stun on Darius!

“They’re killing Lucian! It’s everyone on Lucian!

“NICE! BRAUM HIT THE GLACIAL FISSURE! HE KNOCKED UP LUCIAN AND LEONA! THEY’VE GOT NOWHERE TO GO!

“TANG TANG GOT THE KILL! TANG TANG’S GOT THE KILL! WOOOOOOO!”

NICELAAAAAA!!!

Su Xue pressed her finger to her mouth and shouted, “They’re still going! Shhhh! They’re still going!

“Look! Darius gave up! He’s running away and they’re letting him… BECAUSE THEY’RE ON THE LEONA!

“LEONA’S HEALTH IS GOIN— TANG TANG WITH THE DOUBLE KILL! OH MY GOD! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, TANG TANG! WOOOOOOOOOO!”

WOOOOOO TANG TANG AND BUNBUN POWUUUUR!!!!

GRILLLLLZZZZZ FOR THE WINNZZZZZZZZ

lil bro was just keeping gragas busy. 300iq play right there!

did ya guys see the braum ultie? Holy hot diggity damn! Crazy sexy!!!!!

LPL SUMMER SPLIT CHAMPIONS! CALLING IT NOW!!!

people dont r3sp3ct haobro enough. the dude never complains and always supports

HAOBRO FOR THE WIN!!!!

IZ A T34MG4M3!!!! TEAM SHANGPIONS!!!!!

Zhejiang University and Fudan University were sitting next to each other in the stands. Both their Junglers were staring at the large LCD screen above the two soundproof booths and shaking their heads. After the previous bout of action, the game calmed down a bit. More specifically, the Jungler from Team Beijing and An Xin returned to farming their Jungle. But An Xin played the invisible Evelynn. Even when she was farming in the Jungle, Team Beijing didn’t know where she was. For all they knew, she was sitting in one of the lanes like she’d done in the mid lane before.

“My god. This is brutal,” Zhejiang University’s Jungler mumbled.

Fudan University’s Jungler nodded and said, “Don’t get me started on it. Gragas not showing himself in lane means he’s not in lane. Probably just farming minions. But that Eve not being in lane? She’s putting as much pressure on Team Beijing as she would when ganking. It’s that psychological warfare-thing here. And Team Shanghai is running away with it!”

Zhejiang University’s Jungler chuckled and replied, “BunBun is playing Eve to her full potential. Hella impressive!”

Sun Ruinian listened to the conversation with a half ear, most of his attention focused on the game. He suddenly scrunched his eyebrows and asked, “Do you guys think Team Shanghai is going to drag this game out? They’ve got the early lead and the stronger late game team. It’d make sense. But we’ve seen Lin Feng. He doesn’t really enjoy dragging a game out.”

“They’re not going to drag. They won’t have to,” Qiu Yijie replied. He pointed at the large LCD screen and continued, “See how Gragas just walked over a ward there? It’s pretty obvious he’s going to take his Wraith Camp.” He briefly paused, watching the developments on the screen, and then said, “Yep. Like I said. See An Xin and Lin Feng moving there?”

Inside Team Shanghai’s soundproof booth, Lin Feng laughed and said over the team’s voice chat, “See? Told you guys that Gragas was gonna screw up! I knew it the moment he started ganking mid! Come on, BunBun! Hurry up already!”

“I’m there,” An Xin replied. “Engage.”

Lin Feng took a deep breath and then pressed down on the R key! Chains of Corruption shot from Varus’ bow and rooted Gragas to the ground. An Xin’s Evelynn ran past Varus and engaged Gragas with a Hate Spike! A dark crimson spike manifested in the air and pierced Gragas’ heart!

Team Beijing’s Jungler yelped in surprise when the Chains of Corruption hit him and cursed when the Hate Spike pierced him. He hadn’t expected the gank at all. But he played Jungle Gragas, and Jungle Gragas had a ton of health. The blight-tipped arrows from Varus and slashes from Evelynn tore through his health bar, but he remained calm. He knew the root would wear off before he died. His fingers rested on the keys for Explosive Cask and Body Slam. The first skill was to knock Evelynn away and the second was to get away himself.

The root from Chains of Corruption wore off. Team Beijing’s Gragas hurled the Explosive Cask and sent An Xin’s Evelynn flying away. He then Body Slammed away, deeper into his Jungler. Suckers! Wasted all your damned abilities to kill me. Look at me now! I’m still alive! Hahaha! SUCKER

The audience cheered when they saw Gragas make his escape. They cheered louder when An Xin’s Evelynn was knocked away too far to catch back up. But then the camera zoomed in on Lin Feng’s Varus. A purple halo pulsed around his hand as he pulled on the string of his bow. The Piercing Arrow grew thicker and larger. The audience fell silent. They leaned forward, their hearts beating loudly. Varus released the string. The arrow shot forward! It pierced through a wall of boulders and trees, flew through Team Shanghai’s fog of war, and finally connected with Gragas.

《The Blue Team has slain an enemy!》

Cherry put her hands before her mouth and exclaimed, “Oh my god! Oh my god!

FourEyesChan adjusted his glasses and nodded. He forgot for a couple of breaths about his job as a caster, just like how the crowd forgot to cheer. But then it all came back to him. He grabbed his microphone and shouted, “WOOOOOOOO! WHAT A SNIPE! THAT’S SOME CRAZY ACCURACY! AND HE DID IT THROUGH THE FOG OF WAR!”

“WOOOOOOOOO! WIN FENG! WIN FENG!”

“HE HIT GRAGAS THROUGH THE FOG OF WAR!”

“9000IQ PLAY RIGHT THERE! What am I saying… OVER 9000!”

“HOOOOOOLY SHITE!”

Sun Ruinian felt a shiver run up and down his spine. He shook his head and mumbled, “I’m going to get PTSD from this guy. Just when you think you got away, he’s there with a perfect arrow. How does he keep hitting them like that? It’s like he’s got an aimbot? Is he hacking? Is that it? Is that how he’s hitting these impossible shots? He didn’t even know where Gragas went!”

Qiu Yijie chuckled, helpless. He glanced at Sun Ruinian and replied, “Trust me. It’s worse when you’re up against him in lane. The dude’s insane.”

Chu Fang sat a short distance away from the teams from Zhejiang University and Fudan University. He was grinning and laughing. Every couple of seconds, he caught himself glancing at Fan Yuan. Hehe! He looks so mad! These idiots kept begging to have the tournament changed to allow high schoolers! They really thought they were going to get one over on our Shanghai department. But there’s no one better than me at nurturing talent! Well, that and the fact Lin Feng is back… Hehe!

Yu Ping hit the Tab key and looked at the state of the game. He grimaced. We’re behind. Every lane is losing. It can’t go on like this. They’ve got Varus and they’ve got Jinx… Plus with Evelynn and Rumble they do have ability power damage… We’re fucked in the late game. This cannot drag. He pursed his lips and took a deep, long breath. He then said over the team’s voice chat, “We can’t drag this out, guys. Either we force a teamfight and we win this, or we’re screwed.”

“We could force a fight at Dragon,” Zhang Hongyi suggested.

Yu Ping panned his camera and looked at the Dragon pit. He sighed. Their Rumble has got his ultimate and their entire team is alive. We’re asking to get fucked in the ass here. But what choice do we really have? If we don’t do anything, then we’re losing in minute 40 while having felt helpless since minute now. He shook his head and said, “Guess we could. Maybe if we play it just right… We need to make sure the Rumble can’t get his ult off.”

“I could keep him away,” Team Beijing’s Toplaner said.

“Alright, let’s try and do that,” Yu Ping agreed. He then pinged on the Dragon pit and said, “Gather up!”

Across the stage in Team Shanghai’s soundproof booth, Lin Feng scrunched his eyebrows. He scratched his chin and tilted his head from one side to the other. He then pointed at his screen and asked over the team’s voice chat, “You guys seeing this? They’re running towards the Dragon Pit? Are they stupid…?” He shrugged and added, “Oh well. If they want a fight, let’s give them a fight!”

2
0

 

Sietse Thought: I had a strange experience today. Couple of friends were coming over, so I had to get a few things from the store. As per usual in Holland, I grab my bicycle and start pedaling. Everything’s normal so far, except for the wind and rain that should be banished until fall. But hey, this is Holland and we’re used to shitty weather. So I got onto the main road about 50 meters away from a traffic light, right behind this very fat woman wearing high heels and this super tight outfit that showed every layer of fat around her stomach. She looks behind at me and then back ahead.

We stop at the traffic light and wait for it to turn green. When it turns green I start pedaling again, turning left behind her. But because I had to turn right right after, I slowed down. You know, that’s the normal thing to do to not cause a crash. She did not agree. She basically stopped in the middle of the road and asked me why I’m following her. Now I got very confused about this. I wasn’t following her. I was just going to the store and she happened to be going in the same direction. Besides, there were only two directions to go. It was a 50/50 chance we were going the same way.

I told her I wasn’t following her and figured that’d be the end of it. By then she’d stopped in the middle of the road and I didn’t feel like waiting for that, so I bike past her and turn right. Now here’s where it gets truly strange. She now starts pedaling as fast as her jiggly legs will move to catch back up to me. When she finally manages, she asks me again why I was following her.

At this point I feel it’s important to point out that I’m not very confrontational. Devs likes to call me a bleeding vagina because of it. I’ll just let a mad person rage and move on with my day. Why bother with it, right? So I let her say her thing and repeated that I wasn’t following her. She did not like that answer, for whatever reason. She got progressively pissed that I wouldn’t admit that I was following her. And I also finally start getting annoyed. So I told her in my brilliant way that all I wanted was to listen to my music instead of her annoying voice and to count cats instead of fat rolls.

I probably shouldn’t have said that out loud.

Dev Thought: Wait, wait, wait! Sietse’s out here fronting like he’s achieved inner peace and found Nirvana. That is not the case! I call him a bleeding vagina because he’s always annoyed by what goes on around him, he’s just too much of a sissy to actually confront people about it. He’ll hold onto it for days and nurse his anger and hurt over some trivial slight for weeks-to-months. It’ll get bigger and bigger in his head and progressively make him more and more miserable. And then when you’re least expecting it, he’ll pull some passive aggressive explosion out of his asshole. After a very long talk, you get to the heart of it and find out that what he’s really mad about is a casual “DEEZ NUTZ” joke you made 5 months ago that he now believes is the equivalent of seducing his sister, getting her pregnant, and then leaving her on the side of the road. Because that’s how big he built it up in his head over four months. 

Sietse is, in the truest sense, a cultivator. He pulls the most trivial of conflicts deep into his dantian and circles it through his spirit meridians. Over and over, in millions of iterations, until it grows concentrated and powerful. Then he steps out to fight the Young Master that delivered the trivial slight and realizes that his rage allowed him to grow so powerful that there’s no point in the fight anymore. So he decides to take the “high road” and walk away. 

And that is why I get annoyed. Instead of just being a normal person and yelling, Sietse will walk away from the person that makes him mad, reasoning to himself that this is the right thing to do. Then he thinks about it for days, months, years in secluded cultivation until the original slight doesn’t even matter anymore. He’ll turn a “Yo Momma” joke into genocide in his head, and make himself so miserable through it that it turns into a source of demented power. 

I’m actually not hamming this up for entertainment. This be what Sietse does. And then he tells me that I’m sometimes too aggressive and overreacting. -_- 

Like that Bicycle Girl. I’d have tried to politely explain the situation twice. And when she refused to listen, I would have verbally smacked her down, moved my bike over to the side of the road so I didn’t impede traffic, and spend the next hour proving to her why all of her life choices thus far have been very incorrect and how she’s a waste of the planet’s resources. And then thrown in a witty closer that ripped her several new assholes before riding away. Not out of any desire to cause her harm, don’t misunderstand me. I believe that the only way the world can be a better place for our children is if stupid people have their heads forcibly extracted from their assholes and then educated through public humiliation.  

 

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