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When I grow up I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be DRAVEN!

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Shi Hang started his League of Legends career as an ad-carry because he was drawn to the monstrous late game potential of the role. Toplaners were often bruisers, Supports were Supports. Junglers provided utility and Midlaners were a mix of control and burst damage. But ad-carries carried. With every next item, they boosted their attack damage and attack speed. The longer the game ran, the scarier they became. And once it was the late game, or even the ultra late game, they decided the outcome of a match. Their positioning, their ability to stay clear from crowd control and their skill to get as much damage in as quickly as possible meant victory or defeat!

Shi Hang pushed down on the Tab key and looked at the game scoreboard. That girl’s Draven is up kills on Sunny-boy’s Trist and she’s also starting to pull ahead in CS! We’re losing this! It’s just like… Just like… He shook his head and grimaced. It’s just like it was for me way back then. Don’t tell me… He looked across the stage at Team Shanghai’s soundproof booth. Don’t tell me this is a repeat of four years ago.

Four years ago, Shi Hang played ad-carry for Zhejiang University in the Collegiate Cup. He was the starplayer of the team and led them to the first championship trophy! After which he turned his attention to the professional scene. He played at the highest level and improved constantly, until he met Lin Feng’s ad-carry. Silent destroyed me! 11 games in three days and I never got anywhere! He just beat me and beat me and beat me even harder! He shook his head and chuckled. And now, Maple is back. He’s got a new ad-carry. And she’s… It is like four years all over again! It’s just that Sunny-boy is the ad-carry this time! He glanced at Sun Ruinian. Come on, son! Take the fight! Beat her!

Silent, though… Shi Hang shook his head and moved his lips around. The Chinese superteam from Season 1! Maple in mid. Silent and Autumn in bot. The way Silent never said a word and then just wrecked you, that was something else! Shit, what I’d give to play against him again! I wonder what he’s up to these days… He glanced across the stage at Lin Feng again. I haven’t kept up with most people from back then. But that kid should know. I’ll ask him about it after the series is over.

Shi Hang turned his attention back to the screen in front of him. He narrowed his eyes. But first I’m going to win this series! Let’s hard carry this shit!

“Pretty sensible what Zhejiang University is doing here,” Rollfire said from behind the caster desk. He looked at the audience and continued, “They’ve lost their top tower, so they have their Jarvan IV freeze the lane on his side of the map. He’s playing defensively and making sure he isn’t giving that Irelia any more advantages. Then we have the mid lane where it’s just a back and forth, not much difference between the two players. And finally we have the bot lane… Zhejiang knows they can’t afford to give that Draven any more kills. They also know the Draven can 1vs2 them right now. So they’re sitting back and farming. When the minions push too far forward, they just stop and stay behind. It’d be stupid to risk the game over a few last hits.”

Silent Reed nodded and said, “You’re right. Draven is too strong right now! It’s virtually impossible for him to lose the 1vs2, not to mention the 2vs2! Even if he makes a huge misplay somehow, I still don’t see him losing it! And remember, Zhejiang University constantly has to worry about that Blitzcrank. One hook and they’re done!”

Rollfire squinted his eyes and looked at the minimap. He noted, “We’re 13 minutes into this fifth game and neither team has made a play for the Dragon yet. I think the next big fight will happen somewhere around there. In mid or bot. Probably bot if it’s up to Zhejiang University. I think they’d like to get that lane back in their control.”

Silent Reed looked at the large LCD screen, her eyes opening wide. She then glanced at Rollfire and raised an eyebrow. That’s exactly what they’re doing now! That was spot on! You barely even said it and they started to do it… She shook her head and said, “Looks like they can hear you! Look! Shi Hang’s LeBlanc is moving down to the bot lane! And there! Braum and Tristana are actively pushing! They’re going to fight Team Shanghai’s Draven!”

“Team Shanghai doesn’t see it!” Rollfire exclaimed. He leaned forward and added, “TEAM SHANGHAI IS ENGAGING! They’re walking right into the trap!”

Ouyang couldn’t sit still any longer. He jumped to his feet and screamed, “WARD!” He then turned his head to look at his friends and asked, “Can’t they tell something is up? How do they not know this!? Their ward just ran out! They won’t see Shi Hang coming at all! This is so bad!”

Yang Fang adjusted his glasses and said, “BunBun always has a perfect eye for detail. I’m sure she’s perfectly aware.” He briefly hesitated before adding, “But Zhejiang University is playing this really well.”

Liu Yue glanced at his friends and shook his head. He clenched his fist and punched the air, shouting, “THEY KNOW! I KNOW THEY DO! WOOT WOOT!”

The large LCD screen showed Shi Hang’s LeBlanc walking through the river entrance into the bot lane. She cast Distortion! A magic circle appeared beneath her feet and launched her forward! There was still a small distance between her and Draven, so she followed up with Mimic: Distortion! Another magic circle appeared on the ground and launched her forward!

Tang Bingyao narrowed her eyes. Just like Zeng Rui told me. She flicked her mouse, waited briefly, then activated Stand Aside! Her Draven raised his two axes above his shoulders and then threw them at an angle! They flew through the air and knocked LeBlanc out of her second jump!

“STAND ASIIIIIIIDE!” Silent Reed cried out into her microphone.

Two pillars of light, one blue and the other red, descended on the bot lane. Zhang Hao’s Irelia and Zhejiang’s Jarvan IV were teleporting over! And Lin Feng’s Zed was running down the river from the mid lane! He was only a couple of seconds behind Shi Hang’s LeBlanc! 

Lin Feng glanced at the bot lane and said, “We fight this!”

“LeBlanc first!” Zeng Rui shouted over the team’s voice chat. He then slammed down on the Q key–Rocket Grab! His Blitzcrank raised his arm and fired his hand at LeBlanc!

Shi Hang narrowed his eyes. His fingers glided over his keyboard. W! His LeBlanc jumped back to the location she cast the first Distortion from! The hook from Blitzcrank missed! Shi Hang followed up by pressing the R key! His LeBlanc blinked to the position from where she cast Mimic: Distortion! He then targeted Draven with Sigil of Malice followed by Ethereal Chains!

“BRILLIANT MECHANICS BY AYDEECEE!” Rollfire hollered into his microphone.

Tang Bingyao looked at her monitor, calm. She saw Shi Hang’s LeBlanc jumping back towards her and knew he was now in range to attack her. From the other side, she also saw Zhejiang’s Braum running at her. She watched him jump up into the air and then slam his shield down on the ground. A fissure rapidly spread on the ground with bursts of ice exploding upwards! The Sigil of Malice connected with her Draven, and the Ethereal Chains were right behind it! FLASH! 

The Glacial Fissure failed to knock Tang Bingyao’s Draven up into the air and LeBlanc’s Ethereal Chains failed to connect as well. Draven had disappeared! A mottled flash of light suddenly appeared next to Shi Hang’s LeBlanc. Draven stepped out from it! Shi Hang’s pupils constricted. He flicked his mouse and smashed the buttons on his keyboard. FUCK! She saw it coming! This really is Silent all over again! 

“NICE ONE!” Zeng Rui cried out over the team’s voice chat. He was hopping up and down in his gaming chair and clicking far more aggressively on his mouse than usual. He ordered, “LeBlanc! LeBlanc!”

“Holy. Freaking. SHIT! THAT DODGE!”
“NO FUCKING WAAAAAY! DRAAAAAAVEN!”
“OH MY GAAAAAWD! HOW!? HOW!”
“That dodge. Damn! DAMN!”
“In-fucking-SAAAAAAAANE!”

Silent Reed grabbed her microphone and clutched it tightly as she moved it to her lips. She looked at the large LCD screen, glancing down at the soundproof booths constantly, and shouted, “Irelia and Jarvan IV! They’re teleporting in! THIS IS A 4 versus 4! A 4 VERSUS 4!”

Back in the game, Sun Ruinian’s Tristana was flying through the sky! She’d wanted to follow up on Shi Hang’s engage. But that engage had failed. ShitShitShit! I needa get away! He didn’t one shot Draven! FuckFuckFUCK! He looked up the river. And Zed’s here too! I need to get out of here! They’ll just kill me! When his Tristana landed on the ground, Sun Ruinian had her turn around and run away!

“Why the rush? Come, stay a little longer!” Lin Feng exclaimed. He sent his Living Shadow towards Sun Ruinian’s Tristana and swapped positions with it! He was about to follow up with Death Mark when Tristana raised her cannon at him and fired her Buster Shot! A massive cannonball slammed into him and sent him flying backwards!

“Wooow! Nice reflexes!” Lin Feng exclaimed. He then grinned and added, “But it’s whatever. I’ll just attack someone else!” The Buster Shot had delivered him right in front of Shi Hang’s LeBlanc! DEATH MARK! His Zed disappeared as four blood red shadows appeared around LeBlanc and dashed at her! They struck her, the four shadows pouring into her body and placing the death mark on her!

Shi Hang shouted over the team’s voice chat, “Cover me!” He then had his LeBlanc run up the lane to the Jungle wall and flashed over it! Behind him, Zhejiang’s Jarvan IV dashed at Draven with the flag-toss combo and followed up with Cataclysm! He leaped up in the air and then came down with such force that he terraformed the ground into an arena!

Tang Bingyao looked at her minimap. Shi Hang’s LeBlanc had disappeared in the Jungle. She’d lost vision on him. There were two paths he could take. Did he go left or right…? She had her Draven hurl a Spinning Axe at Jarvan IV, hoping that Shi Hang’s LeBlanc would give away his location in Red team’s bottom side Jungle. A ping suddenly flashed on her minimap. Her eyes went wide. Lin Feng! She pushed down on the R key! Draven raised his two axes above his head and threw them forward with all his might! They spun ‘round and ‘round like a Whirling Death! They carved through the ground, through the Jungle wall, and finally through Shi Hang’s LeBlanc! MHM!

Killing spree!

Zeng Rui nodded and said over the team’s voice chat, “Nice work, Tang Tang! Jarvan IV next!”

Tang Bingyao smiled and right clicked on Jarvan IV. Her Draven hurled a Spinning Axe, which cleaved into Jarvan IV’s health bar before ricocheting. She repositioned to catch the axe while also throwing another one! Jarvan IV had used his gap closers to jump on her. He had nothing left to get away. She threw several more Spinning Axes until his health bar bottomed out.

Double kill!

Sun Ruinian’s Tristana had run away from the fight after almost getting jumped on by Lin Feng’s Zed, while Zhejiang’s Elise never even joined the fight. That just left Zhejiang’s Braum who was now stuck in the middle of four enemy Champions. He tried to run away, to buy some time, but between three powerful damage dealers in Draven, Zed and Irelia, as well as Blitzcrank’s crowd control, there was no escaping for him.

Lin Feng’s Zed sent his Living Shadow forward and followed up with Razor Shuriken! The shadow shuriken flew through the air and hit Braum from behind! It sheared away the last of Braum’s health.

You have slain an enemy!

“Dragon, Dragon!” Zeng Rui ordered over the team’s voice chat. And everyone listened. No one interrupted him, or made a joke about how Lin Feng had stolen a triple kill from Tang Bingyao. They remained completely focused because there were still two Champions from Zhejiang University alive, including the Jungler who could try and steal the Dragon! But Zhejiang’s Elise didn’t show herself. Team Shanghai slew the Dragon uncontested.

 《The Blue team has slain the dragon!

“WOOT WOOT!”
“SIIIIIICK!”
“BROPHINA CARRY!”
“EASY GAME!”
“HIGH SCHOOLERS BETTER THAN PRO PLAYERS!”
“CONFIRMED!”

“Draven is getting the MVP award for that fight! WOOOOOOOOO!” Silent Reed screamed into her microphone. She stood up and leaned on the caster desk before continuing, “Draven dodged absolutely everything! LeBlanc and Braum tried everything they had! But Draven somehow dodged everything! EVERYTHING! WHAT A FIGHT BY THE GIRL!”

Rollfire slumped back in his chair and shook his head. He mumbled just loud enough for the microphone to pick it up, “Uch, yeah. That Draven did alright.”

A single sentence to kill the mood. Everyone in the stands stopped clapping, cheering and screaming for Tang Bingyao’s double kill. They turned their heads and looked at the caster desk. They stared at Rollfire and shook their heads, incredulous.

“The fuck is he on? ‘Alright’? What the fuck!”
“NICE CASTING, BRO! Fucking dipshit!”
“Seriously! What the F is wrong with that guy?”
“They should fire him right now!”
“Just alright? Piss off, Dickfire! That was some insane skill!”
“Yeah! I couldn’t have played that any better than that Draven did!”
“Way to kill the mood! Moodkiller!”
“I hope you get food poisoning!”

In Zhejiang University’s soundproof booth, Shi Hang grinned and shook his head. Yep, I jinxed it. Totally jinxed it! The moment I start thinking about Silent, she goes and plays like Silent! What in the world was that dodge…? He sighed loudly and said over the team’s voice chat, “Welp, that went shit.”

Sun Ruinian pursed his lips and stared down at his desk. How is that Draven this good? She fucked up so hard in the first two games! This just isn’t… Fuck! I need her to go back to how she played before! He punched his desk and shouted, “Fuck!”

“Don’t worry about it, Sunny-boy,” Shi Hang said over the team’s voice chat. He glanced at his teammate, at his mentee. There’s nothing you could’ve done there. He took a deep breath and continued, “You’re right to be upset. At this rate, we’re gonna lose. But they played fantastically. That’s it. Nothing more to it. We can do that too! And we’ve got the stronger late game team! We’re going to dig ourselves into this match and claw our way to a win!”

Sun Ruinian turned his head to look at Shi Hang and nodded. He replied, “Alright… Alright.”

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Broken Mind-Bones

Announcement:

This was a double chapter! Felt very short, but that’s because the author thinks it’s more fun to write a fight scene and then arbitrarily cut it in half. He probably pats himself on the back and tells his friends how brilliant his plan is to span this story for an extra chapter (times infinity)!

Translator Thought:

Sietse Thought: To be perfectly honest with you guys, Sietse doesn’t think a lot today. It’s been one of those days where you’re busy with a thousand and one things, and then out of nowhere something else pops up! I’ve been studying from home a lot thanks to the whole corona-shabang which means I haven’t seen many of my fellow students. So on this particularly busy day, one of them called me to catch up. Fast forward an hour and I realise that I still have to get a Rise chapter ready before other real life shit asks my attention. And that’s not even considering the studying I need to be doing for the next group of exams that is coming in a few weeks. Yes, I’m one of those that starts early studying…

Anyway, long story short. My mind is empty. It is awfully quiet up there. I think I broke it. Is that a thing? Can you break your mind like you can break a bone? Sounds like it should be a thing. You call in sick for work and when your boss asks what’s wrong you tell him that you ‘broke your mind-bone’. I’d imagine they’d be so baffled by that that if you say it with enough confidence he’ll ask you when you think you’ll be able to work again.

Now this is where it gets interesting. There clearly aren’t a lot of broken mind-bones going around. Not under that term, anyway. Which means you get to choose! You are the doctor! The only thing that can stop you here is you! Issue is, it requires quick thinking, confidence, and all these other skills only some of us possess when our minds aren’t broken!

I think that might be why we’ve never heard about broken mind-bones, because no one who needs to use it has the mental capacity to claim disability for it. At this point it is warranted to point out we’re talking about a broken mind-bone, and not some kind of mental issue you talk over with a shrink. This is the kind of bone-breaking that just requires a couple weeks, months or more of rest.

Okay, okay, okay! I’ve got it! I know! We need to set up the broken mind-bone business! What we do is we gather the brightest minds we can who do possess the quick thinking, confidence and everything else required to pull this thing off. Then people can hire us to call them in sick and explain that the broken mind-bone is a slow and painful recuperation process that can take up to months. Then we’ll have a couple of real doctors on the payroll to make it all sound legitimate. They don’t have to diagnose anything, they just have to write a script that sounds doctor-y!

The only real problem I see with this plan right now is Shanks. Obviously we have the doctor in house with Devshard. And since it’s my plan, I get to play boss and be busy looking over everyone’s shoulders. This leaves Shanks to make the calls to the bosses. Can you guys imagine Shanks calling some random CEO and explaining to them that coworker DP (totally random name, btw) is suffering from ‘broken mind-bone’ and is going to require several months of paid leave to recover?

Shanks is like Jen, that manager from the IT Crowd. Completely out of his depth. Devshard can be Moss with the technical doctor-y sounding sham. Which leaves Ross for me. It seems we’ve got ourselves a comedy sketch that might or might not be a forgery of the IT Crowd…

I’m very confused with this thought. My mind was empty, now it’s full again. Mostly with pictures of all the hilarious situations Shanks will end up in trying to convince some poor CEO that broken mind-bone is a real and serious disease and that it has to be taken seriously. He’ll have to explain in progressively convoluted ways that their employee really can’t come into work today or for the next few weeks and that they have to be given all the time they need to recuperate.

I feel like we need to pitch this idea to Netflix. Maybe we can get our own Comedy show! One season should be enough to make complete and utter fools of ourselves, right?

Shanks Thought: I’m very confused with this thought too. Is it normal to imagine your friends in sitcom scenarios that you see on television? Probably shows how much Sietse’s life is influenced by cable TV… Meanwhile, I can’t stand the stuff. I just don’t have the attention span for it. I’ve never watched Frasier, Friends, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Community, The Office, IT Crowd, etc. BUT I KNOW THEIR NAMES BECAUSE I CAN’T STOP SEEING MEMES AND CLIPS OF THESE SHOWS ON THE INTERNET. Gosh, does that make me some sort of contrarian hipster or a boomer? 

Anyway, I’d have no issue convincing the Netflix executives or CEO that Sietse has a broken mind bone. I’ve got an entire archive of chapter thoughts right here to show them. You show these thoughts to anybody, and they’ll instantly know there’s something wrong with the minds of all three of us. 

I also have no idea who this Jen is. So, I’m going to have to trawl some YouTube clips to see if Sietse is insulting me or not. Knowing him, he most likely is…

Sietse Continued: You’ve got a point. We need a reaction segment in the tv-show where we talk them through the pony space TL thought and watch the CEO break his own mind-bone! That way we’ve got ourselves a new customer! One with money!

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