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A One Sided Bromance is no Real Bromance

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An enemy has been slain!

Lightless was in the middle of clearing a Jungle Camp when the message sounded out in his ears. Hum? He moved his camera to the mid lane and found Lissandra clearing Red minions on top of Orianna’s dead body. What happened? He rubbed his chin and mumbled, “That Liss got a solo kill on Ori? How did she do that? Ori still had her Flash…” He shook his head in disbelief and added, “Must’ve really caught her off-guard. Crazy.”

The people watching FatMelon’s stream hadn’t missed what happened in the mid lane. FatMelon was interested in the Lissandra from the very start. Another Chinese player on the Korean Challenger ladder meant another business opportunity for him. So when he noticed Lissandra engaging on the Orianna, he pivoted his camera away from Lightless and showed his viewers how Lissandra butchered Orianna. His eyes went wide in shock over the next couple of seconds. This Lissandra is so good! He grinned and exclaimed, “Oh my god! Did you guys see that? Did you guys see that? HOLY SWEET MOLY!”

whittle ori down. throw some ice at her. kill her. EASYYYY PEEASSSYYY LEMON SQUEEEZYY
bloody hell, mate! The way Lissie over there used her ultie, like a friggin tomb of ice!!!!
66666666
Mad props to that liss! She knew exactly how much damage she had and linked that perfectly together with her CC!!!
LISSIE BEST LISSIE! CHINA>>>>>>KOREANNOOBSS!!!!
thats one for the boooks!!!!! SICK!!!! play. fucking mental! X.X”

FatMelon nodded along to his chat while quickly working his software to pull up a replay of the fight. “Let’s look at this one again! This deserves some extra attention!” he said, grinning. This’ll help me set up for following that Lissandra! Everyone is going to want to watch her! I just gotta hype her up properly!

“Here we go!” FatMelon exclaimed to the camera. He then focused on the replay and reacted to the plays, “Lissandra hits Level 6 right there! See how the Orianna is already low on health? But that doesn’t matter when Liss flashes in!

“Frozen Tomb! WOOOO! Liss uses her ultimate to seal Orianna in a tomb of ice! Orianna can’t move or do anything, while Liss just keeps on firing ice magic at her! Damn! This Chinese Lissandra is gooooood!

“Oh! Orianna flashes away! But… THE LISSANDRA SAW IT COMING! Hahaha! She cast her only movement skill, Glacial Path, in the right direction! Orianna flashed towards it! This was too easy for Lissandra! But damn, what a play! WHAT A PLAY!”

that final ice shard was soooooo bm! Hahahah XDDDD
66666666666666
SHOW MORE LISSIE PLAYS PLSPLSPSLPSLSPSLPLS!!!!!

FatMelon watched the response in his chat and grinned. His eyes read money. Lots and lots of money. This Lissandra is so good! It’s like I’m dreaming! CNHOOK2, eh? You’re going on the list! I’ll make sure you get a few highlights, especially if you keep playing like this! It would be even better if I can figure out who you are… Just imagine if you’re someone like Hermes! I’ll get hundreds of thousands more viewers! He turned to look at the camera and said, “What an amazing guy that is… I really wanna know who he is! Do any of you have a clue?”

sounds familiar… but im not sure…
psure that’s a dota smurf… shit it’s been like 10 years…. So long
I WAS STILL WEARING DIAPERS 10 YEARS AGO!!!!!
a dota smurf?!
European pancakes >>>>> shitty american small obese pancakes
DOTA IS THE BEST MOBA! 1V1 ME!!!!

Su Xue jumped from her chair in Lin Feng’s bedroom and shouted, “That was great! You just solo killed a Challenger! A Korean Challenger!” She reached for Lin Feng’s shoulders and shook him back and forth. “A KOREAN Challenger!” She smiled. I knew he was good. But. But. He’s beating Korean Challengers! Korean Challengers! Oh my god! Oh my go She suddenly noticed the half eaten chicken cutlet on Lin Feng’s desk. He hasn’t finished his food? Since when doesn’t he… Oh! He’s too focused! I can help him! She reached for the chicken cutlet and stuffed it into Lin Feng’s mouth, saying, “Here! Eat this! You need to keep your energy up! Eat. Eat!”

Lin Feng kept his eyes on his monitor. He opened his mouth and let Su Xue stuff it full with food, but he didn’t let it distract him. His breathing remained calm and steady and his hands never stopped moving. “Tasty,” he said.

“Good! Eat it all!” Su Xue replied, smiling. I can help him! I just need to help him stay in the zone! Maybe I should get a portable potty in case he needs to… She shook her head and looked at the food again. There isn’t too much left and he’ll need all the energy to stay on his game. She chewed on her lips and then said, “How about this! If you get more kills like that, I’ll prepare you something else!” He’s beating Korean Challengers! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Lin Feng was slightly distracted. Food was a big part of his life. His eyes remained on the screen but he asked, “Do assists count?”

“Yes, yes! Assists count!” Su Xue exclaimed. She leaned closer towards the screen to get a better view and continued, “Just show me more amazing plays! And win the game! Win it! I wanna see you win!”

Lin Feng nodded slowly. I need to win. I’m going to win! All the way to the top of the leaderboards! And I’m also getting food as a reward! This is great! He grinned for a brief moment, but then the focus returned. Focus. Stay focused.

Lin Feng’s Lissandra pulled far ahead of the Orianna, both in terms of creep score and kills. It came to the point where there really wasn’t any value for Lin Feng to stay in the mid lane any longer. So he started to look around the map, searching for opportunities to help his team grab a bigger advantage. His camera stopped on the top lane.

Blue team’s Darius was being pushed in by Red team’s Irelia. Lightless’ Lee Sin was moving up the river to help his Toplaner out. Lin Feng searched around the map. Where is their Jungler? If he goes top… He’s going top. I’ll go top. Lin Feng had his Lissandra push out the minion wave in the mid lane and then sneaked up the river. Every few seconds, he moved his camera up towards the top lane to see how the gank was progressing. Knew it.

Lightless’ Lee Sin and Darius chased after Red Team’s Irelia. But rather than retreating to her outer tower, she waited for Lee Sin to throw his Sonic Wave before jumping on Darius! She dodged the skillshot and then attacked Darius with Equilibrium! Her blade hacked down into Darius and stunned him! Right then, Jarvan IV rushed out of Red team’s Jungle into the top lane and flag tossed at Darius and Lee Sin, landing the double knock up! He followed up with his ultimate skill–Cataclysm! He leaped up at Darius and then slammed down into the ground with such ferocity that the earth terraformed into an arena! All four Champions were locked up inside!

Lin Feng couldn’t help himself from grinning. They’re making it too easy for me! His Lissandra arrived in the top lane and cast Glacial Path! A claw of ice broke through the earth and moved towards Jarvan IV’s arena! Lin Feng pressed down on the E key again to activate the second part of this skill. His Lissandra blinked towards the ice claw, arriving right between Irelia and Jarvan IV! Ring of Frost! She raised her arms with a sudden ferocity, calling forth every particle of ice hidden within the ground. They wrapped around the Jarvan IV and Irelia and rooted them!

“Another frozen corpse,” Lin Feng mumbled, his finger pushing down on the R key–Tomb of Ice! Pillars of ice shot out of the ground and immobilized Irelia! The ice wrapped around her skin and drained away her health. All the while, Lissandra attacked Jarvan IV with Ice Shard. They exploded on his armour, smaller bits and pieces smashing into Irelia behind him!

Lin Feng was purposely switching between attacking Irelia and Jarvan IV. The double is mine. I’ve got enough damage. Doesn’t even matter what the other two do. He glanced at Darius and Lee Sin. Just hope they’re not going to try and kill steal this… Doesn’t matter. I got this. He smiled and pressed down on his Q key for one fine Ice Shard. The attack slammed into Jarvan IV again, before the remaining bits and pieces drained away the last of Irelia’s health. One attack, two kills.

An enemy has been slain!

Double kill!

Lin Feng didn’t stop to celebrate. He pinged on the outer tower while having his Lissandra clear the Red minion wave that was marching into the top lane. His two teammates understood the message. They helped him kill the minions and then the three of them attacked the outer tower.

Lightless’ Lee Sin followed right behind Lin Feng’s Lissandra. The player in question sat behind his computer in Dark Glory’s headquarters, smiling. This guy is awesome! It’s so refreshing to play with a Midlaner like him! Reminds me of playing with my teammates! I don’t need to say a thing, he just knows what I want to do! Hum… I just have to follow him and I… I can actually… He shook his head and chuckled. I feel like I can trust him. Trust someone in a solo queue game. Kind of ridiculous… and funny. He shook his head again and pressed down on the Enter key.

CN•Wuguang (Lee Sin):Good job, Lissandra!

There was again no reply for Lightless. But where it was a conscious choice the previous time, this time Lin Feng didn’t even see the message. Su Xue was stuffing him with more chicken cutlets and telling him how great he was, and he was just trying to keep his eyes on the game. In this process, his happy-go-lucky approach resurfaced a little. He grinned and let go of his mouse to pound his chest. “This game is in the bag! See? I told you I’m really good at roaming too!”

The Red Team had lost the mid lane and also the top lane after Lin Feng’s roam there. Blue team’s Darius got the advantage he needed to pressure the Irelia away from the minions. But the same couldn’t be said about the bot lane. The Red team was dominating that part of the map. This was in large part due to Bowie, the ad-carry for the Red team. He was a famous player on the Korean solo queue ladder who was currently ranked 116th, but he’d peaked in the Top 50! More impressively, he was scouted by a team in the NLB, the second division in Korea!

Bowie sat behind his desk grumbling quiet complaints at his monitor. His Lucian was 2/0/1 and up 26 CS on Blue team’s Jinx at only 10 minutes into the game. Yet he was losing. More accurately, his team was losing. It’s that guy again! He’s… Bowie gritted his teeth. He’d recognized the name CN•HOOK2 in the loading screen and knew his team was in trouble. I thought he was a Support! But… He did play a couple of Mage Supports… He took a deep breath and then mumbled, “Frick!”

There weren’t many players Bowie remembered in solo queue. Most just weren’t good enough to gain his attention. But CN•HOOK2 was one of few exceptions. “CN•HOOK2 and CN•DancingShoes, I remember you two. The Botlaners who rekt me!” He glared at the Lissandra and complained, “I thought you were a frigging Support! What are you doing in the mid lane!?” He’d played against CN•HOOK2 more than a week ago. It was just a single game, but he still got goosebumps when he thought back to that match. They were so good… So frigging good! They rekt me in the bot lane! I couldn’t do anything against them! They were just so in sync. It was… frigging friggity!

Bowie forced himself to calm down through long, deep breaths. But images from that lost game against CN•HOOK2 kept appearing in his mind. And it wasn’t just that game… I looked them up! They had so many wins! I had to double and triple check! Frigging insane! How the frig do they keep winning? I got recruited by an NLB team, and I’m better than any LPL ad-carry… Including that frigging Nightsong! Who the frig can they be? Why can’t I find any information about them? He shook his head, frustrated. They could make it all the way to the Top 10 on the ladder with the way they were playing! How can they not be pros!?

“Why is CN•HOOK2 not playing Support?” Bowie mumbled to himself. He scrunched his nose and complained, “And why is he winning so hard in the frigging mid lane!?” This is frigging stupid! I can’t let him win this game! I’ll splash some red on all those green victories of his! Maybe they’re Koreans with some sick humour? No. No one would be that stupid! We can’t let anyone with that prefix get to the top of the Korean ladder! I’m going to stop him right here! He gripped his mouse tightly, focusing on pushing away Blue Team’s Jinx in the bot lane. I just need to focus and pull really frigging far ahead! Really frigging far! Because that stupid Lissandra already is. Darnit!

Bowie tapped himself on the head and grumbled, “This is going to be a hard one. But I’m not going to let some Chinese nobody beat me again! Or a professional player, who cares? I’m going to beat him!”

Su Xue tapped on Lin Feng’s shoulder, worried. She pointed at the minimap in the bottom right corner of the screen and said, “Red team’s bot lane is winning really hard! I think they’re pretty good! You need to stop them! If they get any further ahead, you’re going to lose!”

Lin Feng shook his head and replied, “It doesn’t matter if their Botlaners are doing good.”

“Because you’re too far ahead?” Su Xue asked. Oh! His Toplaner is also ahead! And Lightless is playing Lee Sin! She moved around in her seat in excitement and said, “Oh, oh! Is it because your Toplaner is really strong? And with the Lee Sin, you guys can kill the Lucian at the start of the fight! Is that it?”

“Yeah!” Lin Feng said. “Lee Sin is pretty good. And we’ve got a nice synergy going on!”

Su Xue rolled her eyes and replied, “Of course he’s good. That’s Lightless! He’s the best player of Dark Glory! You should be happy that he let you go mid!”

“Uh, no,” Lin Feng retorted. “I picked Mid. He didn’t have any say in it.”

“That’s even worse! He’s a famous Midlaner!” Su Xue exclaimed.

 ✹

FatMelon’s stream went from following Lightless’ journey in Korean solo queue to fanboying for CN•HOOK2. Everyone wanted to know who this mysterious player was, but they didn’t want to take their eyes away from the game either. FatMelon was just like his viewers, forgetting to even check his chat most of the time.

this lissandra is awesome
lissie has best awareness and roams! 666666
LISSIE >>>>> LIGHTLESS MID! FIGHT ME!!!!
where the effin ff did this lissandra pop up from? Did anyone confirm if this is that smurf from the DotA guy?

“WaitWaitWAIT!” FatMelon suddenly exclaimed. He held his hands up and shushed his viewers. “Bot lane! Bot lane!” He moved his camera and focused on the teamfight that broke out in the bot lane 14 minutes into the game.

Red team’s Leona got the jump on Blue team’s Botlaners with her ultimate. She called down a Solar Flare that slammed into Lucian and Nami, stunning both of them! In the brush at the bottom side of the bot lane, a pillar of red light descended. Irelia was teleporting in! And Jarvan IV was charging down into the bot lane from the river entrance!

Lightless had expected the gank in the bot lane and was already on his way. He pinged his Botlaners to let them know that he was only a couple of seconds behind them!

FatMelon took his spot as commentator. He grabbed his microphone and placed it against his lips, shouting, “A huge fight in the bot lane! Lightless is almost there! Darius is teleporting in! IT’S GONNA BE A 4v4!”

LIGHTLESS SHOW YOUR JUNGLE SKILLS!!!!!
CARRY EM NUBS LIGHTLESS!!!!!
lightless best JUNGLER IN KOREA!!!!!!
Gawd… soooooo boring!
Tomb Raider King is so much better than this shit…
has the advantage of a god-tier translator like MiracleRifle!
Not this Shanks scrub >.>
OMGOMGOMGOMGOGM FIGHTFIHGTFIHGT!!!1

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Sietse Deconstructs Korean Webnovel Tropes

Announcement:

First day of the year I get to wear shorts! The good weather has put me in a great mood! And for that reason, and that reason alone, I went ahead and merged another chapter! That’s right, this was another merged chapter! Happy reading!

Translator Thought:

Sietse Thought: I was looking through some of these virtual reality novels and web series where Earth awoke to magical prowess. These stories all talk about our very average pre awakening main character who finds their new love in life by murdering everything that lives. Some might even worry that what’s going on is wrong. But they all kill relentlessly! Everything that doesn’t follow their path has to die! Honestly, I’m a sucker for this. I love it, especially when there’s no real story. Just a main character having fun bashing things and gaining advantages for no reason in particular other than to get strong enough for the next trial that is utterly pointless. You know, the “I gotta save the world! (by murdering 90% of humanity)” And the likes.

It sounds like I’m bashing these kinds of stories. I’m not! Really! I love them! But there is one aspect that I’m really missing, something they could do at the start of these stories to make them more realistic. There are so many people in the real world that we know. How do you suddenly end up in a world where you don’t know anyone and you just meet “new” people all the time? Except for those few very special family friends that you have to save and that miraculously are almost just as special as you are! Those characters are the worst and should be banished to the shadow realm. But famous people shouldn’t be! Just think of the possibilities!

Earth has descended into chaos! The world is at war! Nukes fly through the sky that is already clouded in a thick smog of radiation! Yet humanity perseveres. It always does. But this time it needed help. Magical help. The seal that protected Earth unfolded. Power of Creation and Destruction flow into being, granting humanity the ability to cultivate!

An angel descends. She hovers above the horizon for everyone to see and sings in the purest melody, “Welcome to the Multiverse! Humanity has been excluded for too long! You’ve shown your will to fight! We believe you’re finally ready! Breathe in the new power! Fight the monsters that’ll spawn on your evolving world! And I hope to one day see you at the table of Immortals!”

A strong beat pulsed through the core of the Earth, shockwaves erupting on the surface! People screamed as the ground split apart! But from within the chasms, new life was born. It rose up high and brought with it creatures born from Creation and fueled by Destruction! Their eyes were dark, a red hue oozing out of them. And when they saw humans, a mantra recited in their minds. It took over their will and guided their actions. Kill. Kill! KILL!

Humanity gathered behind its leaders, looking up to them to give them the answer. To lead them! Millions of Americans gathered in Florida, near the residence of Mr. [insert famous person]. They begged him to lead them the way! And he stepped forward. He grabbed a megaphone and shouted, “Fear not! This is all false news! There are no monsters!”

But there were monsters. Many of them, slaughtering their way through the millions of [insert famous person] supporters. They turned to him and said, “But Mr. [insert famous person]! They’re killing us! We can see them! They’re right here and they’re killing us!”

[Insert famous person] looks at a 10-meter tall bear eating several of his followers and hears the constant cries for help. Idiots can’t even take care of themselves! Why do they bother me? I just wanna play golf! He waved his hand and shouted through his megaphone, “The monsters are real! But it’s not the monsters’ fault that you’re all dying! They’re trying to mind their own business but you guys are in their way! You just have to be like me! Ignore them and do your thing and you will see they will do the same!”

The monsters didn’t stop. That same mantra boomed in their minds and had taken over everything. They only saw blood and felt an insatiable hunger! With each kill they grew in size. The powers of Creation and Destructions remoulding their bodies to become the perfect killing machines. To become immortals! And the [insert famous person] supporters noticed this. They turned to their leader and screamed, “You said you’d lead us! You would take care of us! Why aren’t you doing anything!?”

[Insert famous person] raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “Who says I’m not doing anything? What is this slander!? This is worse than fake news! This is corrupt news! I’m doing very much! I’m helping all of you! If it wasn’t for me, you would’ve all been dead already!” He pointed at the bear that was now nearly two dozen meters tall and had slaughtered thousands of innocent souls and said, “See that bear? He spread the news! It’s all that bear’s fault! And I’ve been trying since the start to kill that bear! But you guys won’t help! You just keep asking for more! That is why you’re dying! You don’t deserve to live!”

The [insert famous person] supporters turned to look at each other. They mumbled quiet complaints. But they knew. They hadn’t done anything and their grand leader had asked them from the start to fight for him. If only they’d listened then, they might still stand a fighting chance. But it was far too late for that. They dispersed, all of them going home to mourn the loss of their lost ones.

Months passed. New heroes stepped up, but people were still loving [insert famous person]. He was probably working hard to save them, they argued. His hard work might even be the only reason that the monsters hadn’t yet attacked them! They talked themselves into that line of thought, until they believed it. And then the monsters came again. They watched with horror in their eyes as the monsters killed what little remained of their lives. Yet their last cries were for him.

“He’ll come to save us! His plan is already underway! I’m sure of it!”

Shanks Thought: Man, I look away for a second, and Sietse is deconstructing popular tropes in Korean novels. This would be a first for the Rise Team, yeah? Anyway, the whole saviour thing and being the single, titular hero in a story does appear odd in reality. Like everyone knows how the world works. There’s rarely that one person people really rally around. Unless they’re a cult leader or something… Speaking of which. Lots of those in Korea too! Haha!

But it makes sense. Everybody wants to be the hero of their own story! And if you’re the hero of your own story, you’d like if your friends, family, and the others you care about are standing right alongside you in that story. After all, nobody likes a tragedy. Plus, nobody is going to relate to a celebrity becoming a hero in a story. In fact, more people are going to get pissed. Like shit! Life is so unfair, they were already before the apocalypse happened. Now, they’ve got awesome superpowers too! That’s completely bullshit!  

That said…. I think Sietse’s story with [insert famous person] could work… for a short story or something. It’s a funny gimmick, but I’d think it would be difficult to develop it into an actual engaging, longform series that people will continue reading throughout the years. Also, you know, copyright issues, the usage of a person’s image, etc… 

Sietse Thought 2: Talk about a buzzkill. Great job Shanks!

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